Being Happy

I am happy today. I have been happy for several days. I am at the beach alone and happy. I think of John. I talk to him at night and hear about his day. The side effects are getting worse. The chemo this time is the hardest he tells me. His mouth hurts. The sores are bad now, open and bleeding. I take this in. I care. I worry. But I refuse to stop being happy. I see my mind trying to catch me, sneaking up on me with, “What if he has to go to the hospital this week?” and “What if he gets really sick at work?” It gets me for a few minutes. I take the bait and follow the fear. But then I remember; I am happy and I am allowed to be.