Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Sex and Intimacy

It’s been a long time coming but finally an article about sex and cancer. Check out this very good article in the Summer 2010 issue of CURE Magazine. Written by Lacey Meyer the article discusses the challenges, feelings, fears and the shame. The article talks about libido, erectile dysfunction, hormonal changes and the conversations required. Yes, she does include the requisite bit on cuddling—oh please! But brave Lacey Meyer she also talks about masturbation and vibrators and pleasure.

Here is the link:

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Coaching Cancer

Last night a very moving moment on ESPN. Coach George Karl of the Denver Nuggets spoke passionately about his experience with cancer. First prostate and then throat and neck cancers. He spoke about being a man committed to winning and making a career pushing himself and others to be strong and win every time. He spoke movingly about the kind of winners and fighters he met in cancer treatment rooms and said, “I was not the bravest one in those rooms, many are braver than me facing those treatments for cancer.”

He addressed the live audience and the ESPN viewing audience asking for government commitment to fight cancer. And he asked that the United States government match dollar-for-dollar what is raised by the American Cancer Society and other cancer foundations.

What stood out was how much this big, strong man had suffered in his cancer treatment and was still suffering in his recovery from treatment. We so often forget that part. People with cancer have to survive both the cancer and the sometimes quite brutal treatments for cancer. That second phase can take a very long time.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

“Death is the dark backing a mirror needs if we are to see anything.”

---Saul Bellow

Saturday, July 10, 2010

My Happiness is My Business

I’ve been grumbling today. My to-do list is too long. I’m achy and tired. I’m mad at John. I’m mad at John because his list is not as long as mine. And he doesn’t sweat the small stuff in the ways that I do. But in my head I’m making my case: “It’s all up to me; look at all I do; I’ll never get it all done; how can I feel sexy or happy when I have all this to do?” Etc.

Then this thought came to me: My happiness is not his business. Many of the things on my list are there because I care about details. I coordinate and I make things match and I’m a nut about following up with friends; I have a long list of self-care tasks that I do because I want to and I have two jobs and I love to read, dance, play golf, exercise and take classes. Yeah, the list is too long, but it’s mostly my list.

I can’t tell you how grateful I am for this fresh thought. My happiness is my business. When I try to make my unhappiness his business then I’m making me a victim. Wow.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Chemo Love Therapy

Kisses that last at least ten seconds and hugs of at least six seconds increase the flow of oxytocin and serotonin. Oxytocin is the love chemical that promotes bonding, and serotonin, as we all know, is the happiness drug.


Tuesday, July 6, 2010

God Hold My Fearful Heart Today

God hold my fearful heart today.
Work scares me
Love scares me
Marriage scares me
Fragile bodies scare me
Hold my fearful heart today.


Monday, July 5, 2010

San Antonio Dancing

We are back from a great vacation in San Antonio. It was a bit of everything: writing, speaking, learning, listening and play time. Part of the trip was a big conference and the best night included hours of dancing. Everything is big in Texas and that includes parties. In one hotel we went to three different ballrooms and danced in each one: Rock & Roll, Big Band and Texas Swing. We danced. No surprise that John is a good dancer even as he demurs—he’s an athlete and a musician so we danced to everything. Yeah, sometimes we had to make up our own moves but after a taste of Texas Swing I am determined to learn more.

The real treat of dancing that way though—and I’m guessing that swing dancers know this—is that the movement doesn’t stop when the music does. So even after stumbling-literally—to bed at midnight we kept reaching for each other all night and the dance continued.