tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-43031120451980263132024-03-04T22:10:41.299-08:00Love in the Time of CancerIf you have a loved one with cancer or if you are having a love affair with cancer join me here. This is an uplifting, alluring and realistic saga of Love in the Time of cancer. I am also writing this because as Mark Twain said, “I don’t want to hear about the moon from a man who has not been there.” Loving a man with cancer is my moon. Take the next step with me.Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14954106386693585991noreply@blogger.comBlogger990125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4303112045198026313.post-32347389820266203212021-12-18T09:50:00.001-08:002021-12-18T09:50:38.083-08:00Insecurity is MY Super Power<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjbD4iHP1q2PiaBb42ABH1gGsPgzbBQ9msH46WJPwFd9DCWcQpsmqgxzGF6F_ddcNpp71ns_1QXmpMSG27QCYQCge5-GrMQQEU5zLOV9K1Y0qrOhIZAiz-EHrUnZL8D6SC3EdmT-MX3HKz/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img data-original-height="638" data-original-width="468" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjbD4iHP1q2PiaBb42ABH1gGsPgzbBQ9msH46WJPwFd9DCWcQpsmqgxzGF6F_ddcNpp71ns_1QXmpMSG27QCYQCge5-GrMQQEU5zLOV9K1Y0qrOhIZAiz-EHrUnZL8D6SC3EdmT-MX3HKz/w469-h640/image.png" width="469" /></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNHNGxOYZcrz8cKLYYSqfvrGXRK3-uOYg2nSroyiZQCF7Wfi9PGHrFxr0cJ5mHFFBckjOl9HosURKFZFuf34TwVZAm7-GvrSrNVqKHMoXfd_6MnbRmMleaGZBiCLGCXOEOaId7mhbfEBqc/s900/William+Merritt+Chase.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="722" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNHNGxOYZcrz8cKLYYSqfvrGXRK3-uOYg2nSroyiZQCF7Wfi9PGHrFxr0cJ5mHFFBckjOl9HosURKFZFuf34TwVZAm7-GvrSrNVqKHMoXfd_6MnbRmMleaGZBiCLGCXOEOaId7mhbfEBqc/s320/William+Merritt+Chase.jpg" /></a></div><br /></div><br /><p></p>Diane Cameronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14704150070795762691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4303112045198026313.post-88308461220030665002021-12-18T09:35:00.001-08:002021-12-18T09:35:06.736-08:00CancerLand is expanding --Today's Wall Street Journal <p>The doors of CancerLand thrown open. A great article in today's Wall Street Journal by Siddhartha Mukherjee--author of the bestseller: "The Emperor of All Maladies." one of the greatest books about cancer.</p><p>Take a moment to read this, and but more chairs--CancerLand is expanding.</p><p>Here's the link: https://www.wsj.com/articles/will-we-all-soon-live-in-cancerland-11639757322</p>Diane Cameronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14704150070795762691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4303112045198026313.post-26122744212814679932020-09-20T09:20:00.001-07:002020-09-20T09:20:36.143-07:00Losing the Tiny Bits of LoveThis morning I had “safe coffee” with a friend. <div><br /></div><div> Safe coffee is one of our new practices where to be COVID safe we have coffee with a friend—outdoors, masked and six feet apart. Weird? Yes. Awkward? For sure. Better than nothing? Absolutely.
This is social life in the time of COVID. </div><div><br /></div><div> What I realized today is that many of us have moved from never leaving our homes, to waving across the street, to establishing safe pods with family, to now venturing further and seeing extended family in the backyard or seeing a good friend for coffee or lunch. It’s a select team. We are careful, and we are making choices. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT-TDZ6Ze0QxFhdQqkw_BEJbLnO31VIvOZCFQiWz-BXn-z-gLr7TnMBHAACzftPxcQds1f9AEYeEbXoelHg9Zn9qYTdmQ06vjaoxwvcba-0MqCxnPbyj0eAXwl4XWm9qGerQfukEFRxXJP/s1200/Friends_of_ours_%2528IA_friendsofours00cols%2529.pdf.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="806" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT-TDZ6Ze0QxFhdQqkw_BEJbLnO31VIvOZCFQiWz-BXn-z-gLr7TnMBHAACzftPxcQds1f9AEYeEbXoelHg9Zn9qYTdmQ06vjaoxwvcba-0MqCxnPbyj0eAXwl4XWm9qGerQfukEFRxXJP/w118-h200/Friends_of_ours_%2528IA_friendsofours00cols%2529.pdf.jpg" width="118" /></a></div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div> It’s rich and a thrill compared to March, but we are still missing so much.
What we talked about today was the realization that while we do see those closest to us now, we are missing acquaintances. Acquaintances are out. People in passing are out. Know what I mean? Think about it. </div><div><br /></div><div> Yes, we are hugging our immediate family, dining with extended family, having coffee with a good friend and looking at them across the table. That’s a lot of goodness and a goodly amount of affection. But in our past lives (before March 2020) that’s not where all of our social life came from. </div><div><br /></div><div>Before that big quarantine and COVID scare hit all of us we had an enormous amount of people contact everyday even if we didn’t “do” anything with loved ones.
We chatted with neighbors, stood in parking lots and caught up with folks after church, we ran into people we knew in stores and at the post office. </div><div><br /></div><div>If pressed we would not have said that any of those people were our friends, but they were in and out of our lives, and we were in and out of theirs.
What we got from those hundreds of small encounters were bits of love and affection: handshakes, hugs (back when we hugged the way we shook hands) and we also looked at each other. We had seconds or minutes to really see each other. We affirmed their human presence and they affirmed ours. </div><div><br /></div><div> Yes, we are Zooming. I can see your new haircut and I can complement you. You can see the art in my kitchen and ask about it. But all those mini, daily, tiny bits of love and affirmation are gone. </div><div><br /></div><div>And it is not crazy to miss them or grieve them.
</div>Diane Cameronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14704150070795762691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4303112045198026313.post-90692510575102534692020-08-12T11:13:00.000-07:002020-08-12T11:13:07.353-07:00Life Changes Fast<p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Life changes fast. It’s one of those things that we understand intellectually but don’t fully grasp until something big happens. Those of us in CancerLand know this. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">We have at least one memory of a perfectly fine day—until the phone rang, or until the doc came back into the room, or until a nurse said, “The doctor would like you to stay for a few more minutes.”<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Many years ago, on September 11<sup>th</sup> in 2001 we all got it. Then again in 2005 with the Indonesian Tsunami. Then in 2012 with the shooting at Sandy Creek Elementary School.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Those incidents were huge, but now they seem to come faster: a shooter, a bomb, a natural disaster. But the aftereffect doesn’t stay with us as long each time. It’s as if there is a half-life of consciousness after having a couple of these “Life is short” experiences.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">That is true in CancerLand as well—now we brace ourselves for the next news, the next scan, the next colonoscopy or mammogram. We have quiet, whispered conversations with ourselves that go like this, “OK, if this is bad news I’m going to go to Paris first.” Or “If this is bad news I won’t tell anyone for a week—I have to sort it out myself.”</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><img border="0" data-original-height="589" data-original-width="800" height="379" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhXxZr4Ywu0qsj12aM91GwlZYxNSnPCl-9PzPxTsY8i3CgjaPnwrwaH4KIPMiE41UFAVUESizsB20H9CDBtIzPVJMmhckLtuEsaALW5x071e5bKEPqwjSZ1Az1WC7cVDtimbHhb_T38DzX/w513-h379/William_Turner_-_Rough_Sea_with_Wreckage.jpg" width="513" /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">We know that bad things happen in the greater world too. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">We keep reading about how life makes these sudden shifts for other people.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">We know it happens more frequently in other countries—and in places where people don’t look and sound like us. But when it happens in Colorado, Connecticut, Arizona or Ohio-- places where the skin tones and consonants are more like ours, we get it again, and fast. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">As much as we believe that life follows rules like, “What you put in is what you’ll get out,” we are shown again and again that planning denies life’s absolute uncertainty.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Your life will change in an instant, in a New York minute, in the blink of an eye, and on a dime. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">I’ve seen it happen in the lives of people I love. A friend lost her home and everything in it--burned to the ground. All gone: checkbook, toothbrush, computer, family Bible. Not even a pencil left to tally all she lost. Her family was safe, and for that we say, “Thank God”, but really…<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Another friend was crossing the street. The light was green. She remembers stepping into the intersection, then--days later--regaining consciousness in the ICU badly broken.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Another friend was taking a quick bike ride before work, a car turned left, she was in the blind spot. So beautiful, so young, so gone. A family devastated.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">What about the to-do lists in their handbags? Their responsibilities at work? And the library books they always returned on time?<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Twice I had to suddenly look at my life in a new way. Both times doctors holding clipboards were my wake-up call.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">I’d always measured myself by my work, but that changed quickly. Someone asked me, “What about your career?” and I answered, meaning to be flip but surprising myself with the truth, “I don’t have a career, I have a life.”<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">That insight had incubated over time by too many funerals and too many days in Intensive Care waiting rooms watching family members die. That was an incredible wisdom school—and in many ways a gift—but that’s a school with a very steep tuition.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">So, in the midst of the shootings and terrorism, and this COVID-19 virus gobbling human lives like Pac Man, there may be a bit of buried treasure. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">While we can’t control everything that happens to us, we do get to make choices. We can love others, we can allow ourselves to be loved, and we can say Yes much more than we say No.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">One day it might be that lone package on the train, or a screech of tires, or a fever and a cough that won’t quit. Or that call-back from the doc. Knowing we might die can paralyze us or it can liberate us.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Life changes fast. So, what do we do about that?<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">I vote for living it. Starting right now.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"> </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p></p>Diane Cameronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14704150070795762691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4303112045198026313.post-89802904382392725602020-07-01T05:47:00.001-07:002020-07-01T05:47:45.058-07:00Happy Canada Day!<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 10pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1v6VSBJUdnIVReCmwqG7okL5-5dggrwKLJqiuA3fymeNfo-Ud88RbVWL7-GIj5nPz_7sIRPOvIbuONTjIDaSvX_mJEEboBgHjlnUIWaFIgq6l43vLUY1bi2fRa34CeVLOFYBq7UYLtwGO/s1600/Canada_%25281964%2529.svg.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="1600" height="100" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1v6VSBJUdnIVReCmwqG7okL5-5dggrwKLJqiuA3fymeNfo-Ud88RbVWL7-GIj5nPz_7sIRPOvIbuONTjIDaSvX_mJEEboBgHjlnUIWaFIgq6l43vLUY1bi2fRa34CeVLOFYBq7UYLtwGO/s200/Canada_%25281964%2529.svg.png" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">We were on vacation in Northern Ontario. It was midnight in the little village and no cars had moved for hours. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">My ex-husband, Peter, pulled me back to the curb, I look up to see that the signal says, “Don’t Walk”. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Smiling I stand on the silent sidewalk and wait. When the traffic signal glows its approval to cross we step out carefully and correctly; I laugh. This is the kind of thing that happens in a mixed marriage.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">I married a Canadian.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Hockey, beer, donuts, moose –these stereotypes, all rooted in Canadian reality are funny to Americans. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">We especially like the accent, the lilting up and down of Canadian speech. In just a few hours in Ontario I am imitating my in-laws, “Will ya go to the lake, eh?” But I also know that the final “eh” on Canadian sentences and obeying traffic signals are related.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">The Canadian “eh” is not just a conversational tic. That uplifting extra syllable is an invitation to consensus, to agreement, and to keeping the order.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Keeping order is one of the greater aspects of Canada that we Americans-- so nearby-- miss when we think “Canadian”. Canadians –motivated by a concern for a “common good” are more orderly, law abiding and considerate than we. It’s not because they are nicer, but consideration of one’s impact on others is a strong cultural value. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Speech patterns give more than a clue to this difference. The histories of our nations are echoed in how we use our common language. There are very few declarations in Canadian dialect. Declarations invite challenge. This makes sense when you remember that Canada did not have to struggle for independence as Americans did. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Britain approved Canada’s confederation in 1867. So, you can hear how the inflection, that final “eh” leaves the conversational door open with space for another’s thought.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">For example, while visiting we met a young man who was dating a niece. He was not as bright as the family might have liked. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">But as I was about to blurt, in my American declarative, “He’s an idiot”, my sister-in-law said in her Canadian lilt, “Ya say hello to him and he’s stuck for an answer, eh?” Message delivered; door left ajar.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Americans however are poised for a fight. You can hear it in our speech with its tone of certainty and downward inflection; we are always staking a conversational claim. Even the most pacifist of us hold our opinions –and our right to them—like guns. This also comes from our past. We arrived here fighting.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">This is also why the gun control issue seems easier to Canadians. Friends in Ontario shake their heads at our debates and say, “Such a big fuss, eh?” For us the gun question is emotionally charged because at a deep level we remember fighting for our land and freedom.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">It may be around the idea of freedom that our look-alike cultures diverge. My husband and I have a regular debate about freedom. I say Americans have more freedom: We can be and do and say whatever we like. It’s freedom TO.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">But, says Peter, in Canada freedom is seen as freedom FROM. The Canadian consideration for the common good allows Canadians relative freedom from violence, from crime, and from poverty.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Because Canada is a non-litigious culture Canadians are especially free of the kinds of legal hassles that cost Americans so much time and money.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">These differences run deep but they’re obvious when you lay the historic values side by side. We salute “Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.” There is a win-the-west, win-the-war feel to it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Then picture Canada’s: “Peace, Order and Good Government”. Can’t you just see people cueing up and taking turns, and leaving room in the conversation for the other guy?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Canada is not a land of Boy Scout, do-gooders of course. The very contradictions make you love ‘em, eh? Theirs is a mostly non-violent culture whose national pastime—hockey-- knocks the teeth out of every male over nine years of age. And while living surrounded by natural beauty and wilderness air Canadians smoke themselves to death. We joke that Canadian restaurants offer two seating choices: Smoking and Chain-Smoking.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">I learned a lot in that marriage. I learned to care more about the rest of the world as Canadians do and to not run from the room when the world news comes on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">I learned that waiting for the walk signal is not passive submission to rules and regs; rather it’s an active expression of community and being part of the common good.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Diane Cameronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14704150070795762691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4303112045198026313.post-81770279140385332532020-06-03T07:19:00.000-07:002020-06-03T07:19:44.012-07:00Racial Discrimination & Disparity in CancerLand<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 14px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 14px;">So, this week we are each looking at ourselves and asking about our own participation in the culture of racism, and asking ourselves (I hope you are) “What can I do to be an anti-racist?”</span><br />
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But, for goodness sake Diane, this is CancerLand, could there be a place more inclusive, and more, “we are all in this together?”</div>
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Well, I get that. </div>
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Colon cancer, breast cancer, lung cancer—when we suffer, we suffer. Our caregivers are stressed and anxious in similar ways. Yes, but. But. There are differences related to race and class and income and poverty and disproportionate care and access to care.</div>
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Years ago, working with a cancer support group I was dismayed that when there was an opportunity to locate that luscious care center in our County it was built in a very suburban area, with very little access to public transportation. Yes, busses do go there a couple times a day, but no sick or tired cancer patient was going to take two or three buses with a 30-minute wait in-between. But the place was so pretty and the staff so truly loving, that reality slipped by.</div>
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The other way that cancer and cancer care discriminates is in its relationship to poverty. When many of us—let’s say middle-class—are diagnosed, our friends rally: here come the casseroles (Oh, dam the lasagna), and the offers of childcare and rides, and “I’ll go to the doctor with you to take notes.”</div>
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But if we live in poverty the odds are pretty good that our friends do too. They care just as much but maybe they can’t cook for two families or take time from a no-benefits job to accompany us to appointments, or spend hours at chemo with us, or offer rides if public transport is their ride. </div>
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So, patients in poverty miss more appointments, leave chemo earlier, don’t have a pal advocating fiercely for that second opinion or that NYC or Boston trip. Do those things affect cancer’s outcome? Add to that--their family caregiver likely can’t take as much time off<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>from work.</div>
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And, we haven’t even touched the subtle racism (let’s say unconscious) by some docs and other medical personnel.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></div>
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It’s a very different part of CancerLand.</div>
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Let’s learn about that, and use our Cancer Power for advocacy in our shared territory.</div>
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And let’s read a bit, and ask more questions, now or as soon as you are feeling better.</div>
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Want to learn more?<br />
Here are two articles that explain this discrimination and disparity in CancerLand:<br />
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This article is from Rush University Medical Center<br />
<a href="https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2019-04/rumc-owc042219.php">https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2019-04/rumc-owc042219.php</a><br />
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This article is by Brian Rivers, PhD for Cancer Today Magazine<br />
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<a href="https://www.cancertodaymag.org/Pages/Spring2020/Taking-Steps-to-Address-Cancer-Health-Disparities.aspx">https://www.cancertodaymag.org/Pages/Spring2020/Taking-Steps-to-Address-Cancer-Health-Disparities.aspx</a>Diane Cameronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14704150070795762691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4303112045198026313.post-29306459404774679142020-04-06T07:39:00.000-07:002020-04-06T07:39:43.227-07:00The Tools in CancerLand That Help Right NowThose of us who have lived in CancerLand, have a tool kit that we can open in this time of COVID-19. These may not be tools we wished for years ago, but nevertheless, we have them. And maybe now we can lean into those tools to help ourselves and others.<br />
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Here's an article from Kate Bowler who is a cancer survivor and a scholar at Duke Divinity School: <br />
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<a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/05/us/kate-bowler-cancer-coronavirus.html?smid=em-share">https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/05/us/kate-bowler-cancer-coronavirus.html?smid=em-share</a><br />
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Maybe take some time today to inventory your tool kit.<br />
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What did cancer or caregiving teach you?<br />
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Sending you lots of love.<br />
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Be well. Be safe. Stay home.Diane Cameronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14704150070795762691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4303112045198026313.post-30869211786477330252020-03-22T09:30:00.001-07:002020-03-22T09:30:27.367-07:00When Chemo Doubles the Impact of QuarantineYes, those of us in CancerLand--whether patients or caregivers--have extra challenges and protocols right now. The pressure can feel more intense, and the restrictions on family are greater too.<br />
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Thought you'd like to read this story by Larry Rulison, a reporter for the Albany Times Union--who is working--at home of course because he also being treated for Stage 4 appendix cancer. Here is what it's like at his house in Albany, New York.<br />
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<a href="https://www.timesunion.com/news/article/Times-Union-reporter-undergoing-chemo-learns-what-15140810.php">https://www.timesunion.com/news/article/Times-Union-reporter-undergoing-chemo-learns-what-15140810.php</a><br />
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What is it like at your house?<br />
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What modifications are you, and your docs, making for your care?<br />
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<br />Diane Cameronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14704150070795762691noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4303112045198026313.post-2229416537602141722020-03-14T10:45:00.001-07:002020-03-14T10:45:48.633-07:00Meditation and Mindfullness for Caregivers<div class="p1" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
It would seem impossible to add one more thing to the caregiver’s to-do list. But, adding meditation or a mindfulness practice may be the very thing that makes that too long list a little more manageable.</div>
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No, doing meditation or yoga or Qigong or another mindful practice is not a total remedy to the stress and business of caregiving, but is absolutely a positive aid and help.</div>
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Now documented in many years longitudinal research, it’s been shown that caregivers—of people with serious illness, dementia or a child with a developmental delay—cope better, report more ease, and have fewer physical symptoms of their own when they are engaged in a mindfulness practice.</div>
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And mindful meditation, breathing practice or yoga becomes more than just a way to cope with the stress; it’s a way to fully embrace one’s life as caregiver. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></div>
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Trying to attend a weekly class may be over the top, but there are many online resources, and podcasts that give basic instruction in Pranayama (Yoga breathing), restorative yoga, mindful awareness, and meditation. </div>
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And if you are part of a caregiver support group, ask if some meditation or yoga instruction can be added to the meeting once a month.</div>
Diane Cameronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14704150070795762691noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4303112045198026313.post-32463735898283882082019-10-26T12:54:00.001-07:002019-10-26T12:54:56.112-07:00The Carry-on Bag for the Caregiver
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When you become a caregiver for someone with cancer you need to prepare yourself for the role. </div>
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You have logistical work to do, of course: calendars, credit, insurance, benefits, appointments and medication reconciliation. </div>
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And you have emotional work to do: Fear, worry, love, and the biggie: boundaries. If you are the caregiver for an adult patient you don’t want to be parental, but you will likely need to be responsible. </div>
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You’ll need to separate your feelings from theirs and have your own support team when you cannot turn to your partner to be your support while you are caring for them.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>You may have depended on your partner to help you through hard times in the past, but when you enter CancerLand, your partner’s illness becomes the hard time.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></div>
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Your partner may have been the one who managed the logistics of your life: cars, money, credit etc. And your loved one may be very competent in these areas but once chemo begins or the impact of other meds like pain killers you will—temporarily—lose that competent partner. And the distraction factor is huge: “Am I going to die?” can undo the most fastidious financial manager.</div>
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So, caregiver—you are now in charge:</div>
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Get every account number and password in one place.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></div>
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Get copies of the medical power of attorney and have two copies with you at all times. You’ll need to hand it over again and again. Just because you put it in the medical record last month doesn’t mean it’s still there.</div>
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Get a limited Power of Attorney for all things non-medical as well. There may be things you need to transact on behalf of your partner, or documents you need to see—medical and non-medical and you’ll need that Power of Attorney to graciously make your point.</div>
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Start your caregiver notebook immediately—if the diagnosis was slow to arrive you may not have written down every little thing—so back date a few pages and fill in all you can remember: dates, ER visits, doc appointments. Then keep this notebook in your caregiver tote bag (below) and always return it there. Don’t keep it on your desk or at work---you may need to rush to a hospital or jump into an ambulance and that tote bag is all you need to grab because it will have:</div>
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Your caregiver tote bag is your home away from home. Buy extra of everything mentioned here so you are not running around or borrowing from the bag. This bag is sacred. In the bag you have:</div>
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*Your caregiver notebook—not too big—spiral is great, but no three-ring binders—too cumbersome</div>
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* Pens and sharpies and a highlighter</div>
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*A written (paper) list of everyone’s phone number: family, friends, doctors, hospitals.</div>
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(Yes, I know they are in your phone but if your phone doesn’t work, dies, isn’t permitted—you have the numbers) And people who might not be in your phone—your partners employer, doctor, best friends.</div>
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*A phone charger—a separate charger that only lives in this bag.</div>
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*A book to read in waiting rooms—like Goldilocks—not too hard and not too easy. A good book</div>
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*Magazines—there will be times you are too fraught to read a book and the magazines in waiting rooms are awful and old.</div>
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*Some spiritual or inspirational literature. Something to lean into that inspires and uplifts you. There are lots of nonreligious ones—a daily meditation book etc. There are several just for caregivers.</div>
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*Envelopes—for when you want to leave a note for a doc or nurse</div>
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*Nonperishable snacks—protein bars, packs of nuts, candy bars that cannot melt, bring more than sugar—a 30-minute appointment can become a six hour wait in a flash.</div>
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*Cash—yes, paper money and coins for just in case for phones, tips for the valet, coffee machine etc.</div>
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*A sweater or shawl that you keep in this bag. (Do not “borrow” to wear to work.) Waiting rooms and ICU rooms are cold—on purpose. And fear has a way of lowering your body temperature.</div>
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*The Healthcare Proxy (multiple copies) Have this conversation with family early—include his/her parents, siblings, ex-spouse, step kids. Be sure its legal and official and notarized.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></div>
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When your partner is sedated or unconscious or in the recovery room you don’t want the additional pain of<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>a family fight over, “He wanted…she wouldn’t want…I’m the husband…Well, I’m his mother.” One spokesperson. One proxy plus a backup.</div>
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*The Powers of Attorney—keep copies in the tote bag.</div>
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*Tooth brush and mini tube of toothpaste (in a ziplock)—Just in case you need to stay longer or just to refresh yourself mid-day</div>
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*Extra glasses and bring a case for your contacts.</div>
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*Have a copy of your partners driver’s license, birth certificate—copies only—you don’t want to lose the original documents, but copies can come in handy.</div>
Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14954106386693585991noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4303112045198026313.post-979017150232939972019-10-14T14:47:00.001-07:002019-10-14T16:07:56.324-07:00One Hundred Autobiographies, by David Lehman<style type="text/css">
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There are many personal stories of cancer. Many self-help stories and many memoirs. And yes, there are even cancer poems.</div>
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But now we have a book that is both a cancer story and a work of literature that happens to be a memoir by a poet. We would not wish cancer on anyone, not even—as we say—our worst enemy, but now some gratitude because cancer has given us a gift in the new book:</div>
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“One Hundred Autobiographies” by poet and scholar, David Lehman.</div>
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It is true that for a writer everything is material, and that for a writer everything is examined through the lens of language, so of course from his first suspicions Lehman began to craft a story—the real and awful story --of his bladder cancer.</div>
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The “One Hundred Autobiographies” is one hundred short vignettes detailing and documenting diagnosis, treatment and into the start of recovery. </div>
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While we, here is CancerLand,<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>may know some things about cancer, and some things about bladder cancer, Lehman takes us to new places only a poet can take us.</div>
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He brings popular culture into the rooms, (look there--Keith Richards and Patti Hanson--who knew?) and he also allows intellectual folk like Edward Said and Lionel Trilling to join in. </div>
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But how else would a poet and scholar do cancer?</div>
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Lehman shows us his pain and fear, and he shows us his love, and his loving wife, Stacey who documents what Lehman cannot see or sense when he is under the spell of anesthesia and the recovery room.</div>
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But here’s the thing about this cancer book: You are also going to laugh when you least expect it, and you are going to scribble in the margins (hence, buy your own copy) all the quotes you want to save and the books you’ll want to put on your library list (“The End of the Affair” by Graham Greene was first on mine.)</div>
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Lehman’s book is smart and sharp, with a touch of literary celebrity, and beautiful language. And something else: You don’t even have to have cancer to be enthralled by this book.<br />
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David Lehman is the author of: <i>Poems in the Manner of...</i>and <i>Sinatra's Century: One Hundred Notes on the Man and His World.</i> Lehman is the editor of The Oxford Book of American Poetry and series editor of The Best American Poetry. He teaches in the graduate writing program of the New School in New York City.</div>
Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14954106386693585991noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4303112045198026313.post-12867937990129362322019-09-06T12:24:00.000-07:002019-09-06T12:36:17.564-07:00Caregiving and Memoir at SUNY Book Festival Next Week<style type="text/css">
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We talk a lot about the Literature of Caregiving here. Caregivers need books about caregiving. Yes, we need the how-to books—absolutely. But we also need books by caregivers, and we especially need beautiful, well-written books by caregivers.</div>
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In Albany, next week, we have two of the most beautiful writers on caregiving coming to the SUNY Albany Book Festival—on Saturday September 14<sup>th</sup>. In a day that includes more than a dozen keynotes and several dozen authors signing, we’ll have two featured writers whose stories might scare us—bad things happened--but who ultimately inspire and encourage us.</div>
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Allison Pataki will be here discussing her memoir, “Beauty in the Broken Places—a memoir of love, faith, and resilience.” When she was five-months pregnant, and they were heading off on their babymoon,<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>her 30-year old husband suffered a massive stroke. Pataki became caregiver to a newborn and an impaired husband.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></div>
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Presenting with Pataki will be Abigail Thomas, author of the memoir, “Three Dog Life”—the story of her stunningly disrupted marriage when her husband suffered a severe brain injury, and how she faced the terrible decisions that followed and how she made a different, and fulfilling life.</div>
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At their presentation (11:30am to 12:15) we’ll have a chance to hear about structuring memoir and structuring one’s life after such huge disruptions to relationships and careers, and how one makes art—these books are truly works of art--out of shock, pain and crisis.</div>
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For some of us caregiving comes on fast—as it happened for these women and writers—with a call, a fall, a break. For others, we move in more slowly into it —no less tragically—with dementia, cancers, neurological illnesses. But for all of us who are caregivers we face this disruption and the challenge to make new lives—and maybe art. And all of us can learn from these writers who let us see the pain, the grief and especially the joy that is there as well.</div>
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Join us in Albany next Saturday or get these books for yourself or for a friend.</div>
Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14954106386693585991noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4303112045198026313.post-37070814433095634032019-07-08T17:37:00.001-07:002019-07-08T17:37:08.140-07:00The Dutiful Daughter's Guide to Caregiving
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It’s true that we don’t laugh a lot as caregivers. That means we are extra grateful when someone makes us laugh in the midst of this challenging life. And it always turns out to be a fellow caregiver—often who went thru a horrendous time before us, and who has enough perspective on the caregiving scene to look back and find the humor.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></div>
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Judith Henry’s book has that. Her book is subtitled “A Practical Memoir” and it is that.</div>
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It’s her own story, and from that experience of caring for two ill and aging parents she extracts practical and helpful info that benefit the rest of us. </div>
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And we readers can trust her cause she tells the whole truth—the hard parts, the crazy parts, the “I’m losing my mind” parts and the loving parts.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></div>
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Here are a couple of chapter titles just to give you the flavor:</div>
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Chapter One: I’m OK and You’re Going to Be Ok</div>
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Chapter Ten: My Dad Was a Lousy Tipper</div>
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Chapter Fourteen: In My Father’s House There Are Many Boxes</div>
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Chapter Twenty: The Facts of Life (<i>A different perspective</i>)</div>
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Her chapters also include beautiful short essays on love and literature and learning about sex as a 13-year-old reading Lady Chatterley’s lover, so yes, crazy as it may seem “The Dutiful Daughter’s Guide to Caregiving could make a great gift for someone—all of us—of a certain age.</div>
Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14954106386693585991noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4303112045198026313.post-38580616816645987262019-06-25T16:27:00.000-07:002019-06-25T16:27:31.344-07:00Caregiving and Your Career--Cancer and WorkOne of the worries--and pressures-on caregivers is what to do about work. Of course we often fear to admit we are worrying about our job when a loved one has a terrible diagnosis, but our jobs and careers are a reality.<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSm5bCwTPOUYtV-MUfNa-eJSAD_IgxNAo6o-TtD5rgbIymhtZlFRmpLUtJ1ctRYvR7q-LXebjJACl6Ugvdh3CXuOxK2JHu_pse4xPzkQCIwU_kp23i_MhzMNsZmOSUbccSU0ArmykJmEc/s1600/Diane+2019.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSm5bCwTPOUYtV-MUfNa-eJSAD_IgxNAo6o-TtD5rgbIymhtZlFRmpLUtJ1ctRYvR7q-LXebjJACl6Ugvdh3CXuOxK2JHu_pse4xPzkQCIwU_kp23i_MhzMNsZmOSUbccSU0ArmykJmEc/s320/Diane+2019.jpg" width="240" /></a><br />
For our sanity and peace of mind we need our work, and the financial realities of cancer are such that most caregivers can't afford to quit a job or lose one.<br />
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This week I wrote about caregivers and work for Cancer Today Magazine.<br />
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Here's the link:<br />
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<a href="https://www.cancertodaymag.org/Pages/Summer2019/Caregiving-and-Work.aspx">https://www.cancertodaymag.org/Pages/Summer2019/Caregiving-and-Work.aspx</a>Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14954106386693585991noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4303112045198026313.post-7479727959781815482019-05-26T13:38:00.000-07:002019-05-26T13:38:12.810-07:00A Beauty Guide for Women with Cancer
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Ok, so you might think, “Beauty tips, really? That’s the least of my worries right now.” And that might be true at the start of diagnosis and treatment. But as we progress—or our loved one progresses—through CancerLand, issues around appearance will come up.</div>
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You know this. We know about hair loss and hair thinning, and skin changes and dryness everywhere. But just as I had to learn the hard way about cancer and sex, I’m learning too about cancer and appearance.</div>
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We also know that while the big stuff is on the inside (Courage, Wisdom, Will to Live, and Beauty) our outsides play a big role in how we feel and how we fight for our lives.</div>
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Most of the information on what to do is passed woman to woman (rarely man to man) and in that way we gather the scoop on wigs, skin care, eyebrows, oral care etc. But now I discovered a book that pulls it all together. It’s not a new book, but it’s new to me, and </div>
maybe new to you.<br />
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The book is, “Pretty Sick: The Beauty Guide for Women with Cancer” by Caitlin M Kiernan. It was published in 2017, but recently Googled its way to me, and I’m loving this resource.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9fxqRkzyj5VpWiybIEnx_MwuvoJtOUvivXsysOyFBNvfhbHMp0L2my0RCEH3xEkN70AVKdRE-P0369LtX6p1axroxeEanL21tefmE7zxlr_s5CKO-8vOUAUwDGhmxQYh2dxvX4KMikH8/s1600/Pretty+Sick+book.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="499" data-original-width="376" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9fxqRkzyj5VpWiybIEnx_MwuvoJtOUvivXsysOyFBNvfhbHMp0L2my0RCEH3xEkN70AVKdRE-P0369LtX6p1axroxeEanL21tefmE7zxlr_s5CKO-8vOUAUwDGhmxQYh2dxvX4KMikH8/s320/Pretty+Sick+book.jpg" width="241" /></a>Let me say right off that Kiernan’s tone in the book is one woman to another. She was a beauty and fashion writer, so you’ll recognize the voice.</div>
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If you always loved woman’s magazines as I do, you’ll like this approach.</div>
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She’s a friend and a cancer sister telling the truth. </div>
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But here’s a fellow cancer sister with the most amazing Rolodex of experts and resources, and friends in the beauty business.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></div>
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But let me add this too: While it says “women with cancer” in the title, this is also helpful for men. Yeah, you don’t have to be a “metrosexual” to want to save your hair, or deal with skin or mouth problems.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></div>
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On the other hand, Kiernan speaks directly and frankly and honestly about what happens to our sex lives and our sexual parts as a result of cancer treatments. I bless her for that. </div>
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You know, if you’ve been reading this blog for a while, that I came to this fight because NO ONE would talk to me about sex and cancer, sex and chemo, or sex and marriage for that matter. So, I came to this keyboard to do battle with fear, shyness and shame.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></div>
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If you have any of those questions go directly to Chapter Nine. No one has to lose their love life or relationship along with their hair.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></div>
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Caregivers and friends of friends with cancer: your job is to buy this book and hand it over. You can add a note that says, “When you’re ready to talk about this, I’m here.”</div>
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“Pretty Sick” turns out to be a pretty cool way of supporting a friend with cancer.</div>
Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14954106386693585991noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4303112045198026313.post-83113926158405001742019-04-22T04:09:00.002-07:002019-04-22T04:09:49.391-07:00Marriage Can Be Hard..But...
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I’m always thinking about relationships and marriage. It’s one of my favorite reading topics, because, of course, I love learning about what makes people tick, and intimate relationships are the perfect crucible. I find that sometimes the best learning comes from reading about relationships that don’t work, …until they do.</div>
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I know it’s a book that divides the field, but I loved Elizabeth Gilbert’s memoir, “Eat. Pray. </div>
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Love”<br />
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I’ve read it and listened to it. I especially love what she has to say about God and pleasure and faith and how she learned to overcome her fear.<br />
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Yes, it did help that she had a big house to sell and a huge book advance. But, for me, none of that discounts her humor and the good grace of her book. </div>
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I especially loved when she asked –by name-- everyone in the universe co-sign her prayer to have her divorce end peaceably. And I also loved the water tower scene in India, when finally turning that ex over to God—and seeing their higher selves meeting and releasing.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></div>
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But the book that followed “Eat, Pray, Love” was Gilbert’s second memoir, and the continuation of the story.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>“Committed” is about marriage and how Gilbert reluctantly married the man she fell in love with at the end of “Eat, Pray, Love.”</div>
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One of my favorite lines from Committed is this: “There is good reason to end such stories with weddings, and buoyant celebrations of love. Because what follows a wedding is a marriage. And marriage is an institution, not a party.”</div>
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That’s a great line, and quite borrowable for toasts, I think.</div>
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What Gilbert also says is this: “Marriage is hard when you invest all of your expectations for happiness in one other person. A man can be part of a good life, but not <i>the</i> life.”</div>
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Now that’s a great poster or a mantra for young women.</div>
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So how do you get to a great marriage from the reality of “Marriage is hard”? The recipe is this: Invest in all parts of your life and in many relationships. You have to make (intentionally create) your own good and full life, and then a partner can become a great accessory.</div>
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Indeed.</div>
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*****</div>
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I write a lot about relationships and marriage in my book, “Out of the Woods”—available at bookstores and, of course, on Amazon.</div>
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Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14954106386693585991noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4303112045198026313.post-25019734415916662332019-04-05T04:26:00.004-07:002019-04-05T04:26:49.994-07:00We Measure Our Age in Tubes
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It was T. S. Eliot who famously said “I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.” What a lovely image for and from a great poet. But this week I glimpsed another way I can measure my aging life: I can count the tubes.</div>
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Yes, you might remember going to Grandma’s house, or maybe to your Mother’s and her medicine cabinet had a million squashed tubes of this and that. Some were shiny, some rusty, and some gooey with missing caps, and you thought, “How does that happen?”</div>
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Maybe you also remember when your medicine cabinet had aspirin, birth control, Vaseline and maybe an antibiotic? </div>
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And then as you got a few years older, there are a few more things and then, suddenly it seems, you (like me last week) look at that basket under the bathroom sink and its full of tubes!</div>
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We now have all manner of tubes with creams, ointments and lotions. They are specialized and generalized. We have tubes with goop for every body part and every disturbance. They are oily, creamy, pink, clear or shiny. They range from first aid uses to germ killing to fungus battling to skin soothing.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Some I bought off the shelf and a few were prescribed.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></div>
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But this is the new measurement of my life—no longer romantic coffee spoons or lovers past. Now I measure my life—and ours—in tubes.</div>
Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14954106386693585991noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4303112045198026313.post-21734877969337445562019-02-23T12:08:00.002-08:002019-02-23T12:08:59.540-08:00Cancer and Increased Risk of Suicide
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Maybe you’ve had that hypothetical conversation, the one that starts with, “If I ever got diagnosed with…. (fill in the blank) I’d kill myself.” And then someone else says, “No, I could stand that, but if I ever got (fill in blank) I would definitely check out.”<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></div>
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And on it goes: what we think we could live with, what we think we could not live with: dementia, Lou Gehrig’s Disease, something terribly deforming, or one of 100 kinds of cancer.</div>
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Usually when we have those kinds of hypothetical conversations we are in our right minds so we kind of miss the real point: A serious medical diagnosis also has a psychological component or consequence.</div>
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In a recent report from the Penn State Cancer Institute, researcher Nicholas Zaorsky (a radiation oncologist) says that a cancer diagnosis can quadruple the risk of suicide among Americans.”<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></div>
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She says, “there are multiple competing risks for death, and one of them is suicide. Distress and depression can arise from a cancer diagnosis, treatment, financial stress and other causes. Ultimately, distress and depression may lead to suicide. Our goal was to quantify the risk of suicide among cancer patients.”<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></div>
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What this suggests is that patients, family, caregivers and medical professionals need to </div>
insert care and questions about emotional health in the already crowded conversations and caregiving routines.<br />
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With good intentions many of us are tempted to brush past the sadness, distress and grief, “You’ll feel better when chemo/radiation/that side effect is over.” But maybe later is too late.<br />
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Nurses and oncologists need to turn around to face the patient and not the laptop, when asking, “How are you?” and maybe pause and ask again, “And how are you really?” And caregivers need to sit with their own anxiety long enough to hear the real distress in the patient’s life and perspective.</div>
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Mental and emotional health need attention too.</div>
Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14954106386693585991noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4303112045198026313.post-18826800116325437012019-02-14T04:21:00.000-08:002019-02-14T04:21:30.347-08:00Valentine's Day in CancerLand
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
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<br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">So,
you are in CancerLand on Valentine’s Day?</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGRhc4jeYOY5w53Y-ZQCENk6SxjL4G2eXe-bCDt5ZmImZpaLUh82eE-Phpz8aYo3u9Wac12tLGlxbG_Ex_zAJtBhkmDOXc4wvOnd8PQxGXc6q-5j1dUBwXlHZAyBQUQG186CbY3Mf_SFo/s1600/1024px-Card%253B_valentine_card_-_Google_Art_Project.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; display: inline !important; float: right; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1283" data-original-width="1024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGRhc4jeYOY5w53Y-ZQCENk6SxjL4G2eXe-bCDt5ZmImZpaLUh82eE-Phpz8aYo3u9Wac12tLGlxbG_Ex_zAJtBhkmDOXc4wvOnd8PQxGXc6q-5j1dUBwXlHZAyBQUQG186CbY3Mf_SFo/s320/1024px-Card%253B_valentine_card_-_Google_Art_Project.jpg" width="255" /></a><span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Yep,
that sucks. It’s awful. I know; I’ve been there.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">But you do not have to surrender to 5FU and
all her crazy chemo cousins. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">You can have Valentine’s Day <u>and </u>romance <u>and
</u>cancer. Here’s how: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Remember how Valentine’s Day worked before cancer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Shed one tear remembering that and then laugh. Find something to laugh about.
Call up your true love and reminisce together. Make a joke.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Make a Valentine. If you can get out, buy a pretty one. If you can’t get out
(friggin’ 5FU) then make one: paper doilies, red Sharpie, tear a story form the
newspaper, write on a playing card (yes you can ruin a deck of cards by taking
out the King or Queen of hearts).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Drop your expectations. Like a hot potato—drop them. This is Valentine’s Day in
a new country: CancerLand.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Think about love, and email love and text that love. There is so much love in
CancerLand and with your partner, state it clearly. You have seen and felt love
so grand and so different than people who have never visited CancerLand. Claim
and celebrate that love. Explicitly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">People around you may be afraid to ask, “What are you guys doing for
Valentine’s Day?” like they are asking other couples. Shame on them—announce
what you are doing. Stare down their fear. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Things to keep: affection, conversation, chocolate, cards, flowers, bad poetry,
good poetry, and romantic comedies (TV listing are crammed with romantic movies
tonight.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Things to lose: expectations and projections</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Things to negotiate: a good meal, gifts and sex. (be creative and open-minded
with that last one.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Refuse to surrender: your relationship, your coupledom, your happiness.</span></div>
Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14954106386693585991noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4303112045198026313.post-78720175147889329842019-01-28T04:58:00.000-08:002019-01-28T04:58:41.395-08:00Best Books About Caregiving--Fiction and Memoir
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Name="List Bullet 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;">There
are lots of books to tell you how to be a caregiver—books for spouses, siblings
and adult children.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;">There are specialized books for </span><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">caring</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> for someone with Alzheimer’s
or cancer or Parkinson's Disease etc. But sometimes you want or need more than a how-to book, and
more than the facts—you want to know about the feelings, and to know how someone else felt when they were where you are. And for that we have
to go to literature.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">I
teach a class on the Literature of Caregiving, and I have found that these are
those are the kinds of books that caregivers crave and relate to. These are the books that often answer the questions that no one
knew that they needed to ask. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">So,
here are some of my favorite books about caregiving. You’ll have some surprises
I’m sure, but caregiving is nothing new to humankind, and great works of
literature touch all situations and all of the feelings that make us human.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi18Qe2ERUeEOz1lQN3BPKtAmprUEAVp5NGjCOIluzvL-npmubHFzvUWga5MUerAfb2pabpPowzqo7fn2PURQM3NqzUVpsJXlKW-vUXTKhAUYWEswHa1PVI99-rhQPWEVqLJSPFpoUlI-o/s1600/Lucy+Grealy+Face.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="499" data-original-width="328" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi18Qe2ERUeEOz1lQN3BPKtAmprUEAVp5NGjCOIluzvL-npmubHFzvUWga5MUerAfb2pabpPowzqo7fn2PURQM3NqzUVpsJXlKW-vUXTKhAUYWEswHa1PVI99-rhQPWEVqLJSPFpoUlI-o/s200/Lucy+Grealy+Face.jpg" width="131" /></a><span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Caregiving Memoirs:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Autobiography of a Face,
Lucy Grealy<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Cancer Vixen, Marisa
Acocella Marchetto (It’s a graphic novel)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Midstream, Le Anne Schreiber<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Landscape Without Gravity,
Barbara Lazear Ascher<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Truth and Beauty, Anne Patchett<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The Story of My Father, Sue
Miller<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Low Down: Jazz, Junk and
Fairy Tales. AJ Albany<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The Broken Chord, Michael
Dorris <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Operating Instructions, Anne
Lamott<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Three Dog Life, Abigail
Thomas<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The Best Day/The Worst Day:
Life with Jane Kenyon, Donald Hall<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The Two Kinds of Decay,
Sarah Manguso<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5_7pSyJNbwUQ-ubfZOvA-Qe1IHEJiRBDunefz2oTmeXnVbUmer1qIQLJmSdWoaNKVx3NKmAXTXqYzJQIpu4eLcAO24jm7L8oAZqrHXRiU4BgSBaNM540mvRSiv1Uv_WnBDxexFbiI2KU/s1600/Lamott+Operating.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="499" data-original-width="324" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5_7pSyJNbwUQ-ubfZOvA-Qe1IHEJiRBDunefz2oTmeXnVbUmer1qIQLJmSdWoaNKVx3NKmAXTXqYzJQIpu4eLcAO24jm7L8oAZqrHXRiU4BgSBaNM540mvRSiv1Uv_WnBDxexFbiI2KU/s200/Lamott+Operating.jpg" width="129" /></a><span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Caregiving Fiction:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">We are All Welcome Here,
Elizabeth Berg<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">A Patchwork Planet, Anne
Tyler<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Celestial Navigation, Anne
Tyler<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">King Lear, William
Shakespeare<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;">Add
a few of these to your Winter reading. On the couch, in bed, and in your caregiving tote for doctor's offices and </span><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">waiting</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> rooms. You’ll be in good hands, and good company.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX4Ad_EFJ-o7OD8K3TbvuXLMJUMCJUnThMSb4qbktX7derHpn9y0yGzU_TCCMlxpZy-qQwWRUijFMzhsdtra_C8ahx4e_SdoansN6pyA7WUAupvYpY2hcSO1tRfl1RdZNWXWUzhesX3u0/s1600/Patchett+Truth+Beauty.webp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="293" data-original-width="199" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX4Ad_EFJ-o7OD8K3TbvuXLMJUMCJUnThMSb4qbktX7derHpn9y0yGzU_TCCMlxpZy-qQwWRUijFMzhsdtra_C8ahx4e_SdoansN6pyA7WUAupvYpY2hcSO1tRfl1RdZNWXWUzhesX3u0/s200/Patchett+Truth+Beauty.webp" width="135" /></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14954106386693585991noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4303112045198026313.post-13958882609832751602019-01-20T09:12:00.002-08:002019-01-20T09:15:54.799-08:00Sex and Cancer Cancer Today Magazine<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgysvjCVu5tFCUD66fqaLf0G9khhEjh3pu7KqAeTRzVr3i8g9n-PUYgfiirU4BYSudJ6H4kL-E-3-1bR-ihwPh7j6XSzd_UXm9Jk4cZZCB_HpkvBCfZ-z541G3VwiO9g7JUi8a6UmOZTcE/s1600/Dave+and+Diane+at+Myles+wedding.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="480" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgysvjCVu5tFCUD66fqaLf0G9khhEjh3pu7KqAeTRzVr3i8g9n-PUYgfiirU4BYSudJ6H4kL-E-3-1bR-ihwPh7j6XSzd_UXm9Jk4cZZCB_HpkvBCfZ-z541G3VwiO9g7JUi8a6UmOZTcE/s200/Dave+and+Diane+at+Myles+wedding.jpg" width="150" /></a></div>
Many of you know that I started this blog--and advocating for more education around sex and cancer--because of my experience being shut out and shut down by medical folks when John was diagnosed with Colon Cancer at the beginning of our relationship.<br />
<br />
Because it's my gift --and my bent in life--I went to my computer and started writing. I also shared the story of our romance --the good and the bad--and wrote a lot about relationships in general.<br />
<br />
But it was that shame around sex and cancer that got me started and it keeps me keeps me going.<br />
<br />
I am delighted and honored that Cancer Today Magazine found the blog, and interviewed me for their recent article on Sex and Cancer.<br />
<br />
I'll put the link right here:<br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.cancertodaymag.org/Pages/Winter2018-2019/Staying-Close-Through-Cancer-Sexual-Intimacy.aspx">https://www.cancertodaymag.org/Pages/Winter2018-2019/Staying-Close-Through-Cancer-Sexual-Intimacy.aspx</a><br />
<br />
Please consider sharing this.<br />
<br />
There are still too many couples impacted by the silence and the lack of helpful information, and still way too many medical professionals who don't ask and who have nothing to say when asked.<br />
<br />
I thank all of you for following this blog, and sharing my updates, and for continuing to make it safe for Love in the Time of Cancer.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFoMsAVxOSN2d0pNRxyezo1WaQ3VXRVLfjOuQPHmeu9OdMmdGw3XF1uP0rsctgHIwZBVEhbb5AXLjrNJttxzivvQb7WERZf1UDUYfUzPYskNeiqvDXynwH5ZE0nD_jWj6tjyipKfaL2qE/s1600/cover-winter-2018-2019-225x289-WEB.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="289" data-original-width="225" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFoMsAVxOSN2d0pNRxyezo1WaQ3VXRVLfjOuQPHmeu9OdMmdGw3XF1uP0rsctgHIwZBVEhbb5AXLjrNJttxzivvQb7WERZf1UDUYfUzPYskNeiqvDXynwH5ZE0nD_jWj6tjyipKfaL2qE/s200/cover-winter-2018-2019-225x289-WEB.jpg" width="155" /></a></div>
Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14954106386693585991noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4303112045198026313.post-59322118988932695302018-12-17T04:56:00.000-08:002018-12-17T04:56:27.822-08:00Fear of Cancer Recurrence
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<div class="p1">
So, you’ve been through surgery, radiation, chemo. Almost to five years. Maybe even ten years. Your friends have stopped asking “How are you?” in that slow, drawn out way. Now it’s assumed that your worries are about your kid or you job or your weight.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
And it’s true you have new thoughts now and plans for the future. But still. But still.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQELRvTJ8FvZXwnxtGvbVnlmKSbEB8VG07ycSG-NtX-7tYLwqONJ-dcG2Saz9MRsWwHqQktXdRdMrcMN7FwNjJ-IdKNp8DzwATDwt9ftEmcBvxAo8_wsNCzF_VlkfWqEu5uYpKxQKqjQU/s1600/Gesichtssauscnitt_Antonello_Da_Messina_Frau_2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="838" data-original-width="547" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQELRvTJ8FvZXwnxtGvbVnlmKSbEB8VG07ycSG-NtX-7tYLwqONJ-dcG2Saz9MRsWwHqQktXdRdMrcMN7FwNjJ-IdKNp8DzwATDwt9ftEmcBvxAo8_wsNCzF_VlkfWqEu5uYpKxQKqjQU/s320/Gesichtssauscnitt_Antonello_Da_Messina_Frau_2.jpg" width="208" /></a></div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
You feel an ache, there is a bruise, a bit of swelling, a funny feeling. Your first thought is not, like most people, “Aging sucks.” Rather, your first thought is, “Is it back?”</div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
The reality is that cancer can recur—in the same place or sometimes metastasize to a new place. So, we residents of CancerLand have this thing called FCR—Fear of Cancer Recurrence.</div>
<div class="p1">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
And it’s not just you: According to Susan Krigel, Ph.D. a clinical psychologist at the Midwest Cancer Alliance, 97% of cancer patients have FCR that lasts for years.</div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
The good news: you’re not alone.</div>
<div class="p1">
The bad news: you can feel scared a lot or crazy a lot.</div>
<div class="p1">
And the probably news is that you’ll experience some anxiety.</div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
Triggers will be different for each person. You’ll want to talk to folks in a support group. You may also want the help of a therapist who knows cancer. That’s a key question to ask: Does this therapist know the psychology of cancer and the dynamics of life as a cancer survivor. Note: Having had cancer does not necessarily make one expert. Having treated many people with cancer and understanding the dynamic may be a better qualification than having had cancer.</div>
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Humor helps too. You’ll need to test that first with family—they have their own fears about your cancer. But find a couple of people –friends or survivors—and invite them to be your FCR warriors.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></div>
Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14954106386693585991noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4303112045198026313.post-75843523361590947892018-12-03T04:12:00.000-08:002018-12-03T04:12:12.547-08:00 Helping Yourself vs Asking for Help
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<i><b>[Friends--here is a wise and practical guest post from writer, Lori Ann King--writing about the delicate balance between </b></i><i><b> helping yourself and asking for help:</b></i></div>
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“There’s a mass near your cervix,” the doctor said.</div>
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That’s where my story began. </div>
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After a routine colonoscopy, my gastroenterologist had ordered an ultrasound and a CT scan to see if anything was pushing on my intestines that might explain some of the pain I’d been experiencing. This led to the discovery of a small mass near my cervix and an ovarian cyst. I was referred to my regular gynecologist.</div>
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Now, when my routine test results came back, and they included the word mass, my blood pressure went up a notch. Cysts I knew were common and relatively harmless.</div>
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The idea of a mass, on the other hand, had a whole different connotation and stress factor. The possibility of cancer crossed my mind. I wish I had asked more questions. I might have heard that while it could be cancer, it could also have been a fibroid. We would not know until it was removed and tested. A fibroid sounded much more manageable than cancer in my mind. </div>
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In my rush to move forward quickly and get back to some form of normalcy, I opted to see an unfamiliar doctor when my regular gynecologist was not immediately available. My husband, Jim, came with me to this consultation and together with my new doctor, we decided to remove the mass and monitor the cyst. Just days after my colonoscopy, another surgery. More anesthesia. More recovery.</div>
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Thankfully, the mass was not cancer. It was a fibroid. Benign. I breathed a sigh of relief, took a few days’ rest and looked forward to getting back to living my healthy life.</div>
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Unfortunately, that’s not where my story ends. As the ovarian cyst continued to grow along with my pain and discomfort, we decided to remove the ovary and cyst. Another surgery. More anesthesia. More recovery. Much more.</div>
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Back into surgery I went, hoping and trusting for the best-case scenario: the simple removal of one ovary and its fallopian tube. I was excited to erase the pain that was burdening me. I didn’t expect anything else to happen. </div>
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I awoke to learn that the worst-case scenario had happened: I had received a full hysterectomy as well as a double oophorectomy. Uterus, cervix, ovaries, fallopian tubes—everything had been removed due to the severity of endometriosis that had been found.</div>
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I expected to be pain-free when I woke. It didn’t work that way. I was in severe pain. I was tired. I was afraid. I couldn’t pee or poop. My body felt and looked swollen and bloated. This was uncharted territory and I had no idea how to fix it.</div>
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Thus began my ongoing journey toward balanced wellness and optimizing my health. It involved complementary medicine, bio-identical hormones, lifestyle changes, and managing my thoughts and words so I could better control my emotions. It involved educating myself, empowering myself, and fighting for respect from doctors, demanding to be heard and seen while firing those that didn’t treat me as a full partner on my wellness team.</div>
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Medical issues are scary, whether we are the patient, or the loved one on the sidelines. I’m grateful my story did not involve cancer. My parents are both cancer survivors. It’s a legacy I don’t wish to continue.</div>
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My experience with surgery and surgical menopause taught me many things. Perhaps the most profound is the delicate balance between helping myself and asking for help.</div>
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<b>Help yourself and ask for help</b></div>
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We can fuel our bodies with optimum nutrition and move our body. We can build a healthy mind. We can smile, laugh, share joy, play, rest and be still. We can practice yoga. We can meditate. We can do everything in our power to reduce stress as if our life depended on it. Sometimes, it does.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicOpQNho5Z2i0gN7u8TCRTWG9bi-hrCFrsIAlG9Mh6Wgtk5oJV7PaBWb0cwpZT1qL20SGgry-Lef3OKv8kr2TJJ3DCZyZo76m3d-9BceurCIcgeHs58a7dG-Kv7zjzAo_nDgeNABO6IdI/s1600/Book+Cover+Lori+Ann+King.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1067" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicOpQNho5Z2i0gN7u8TCRTWG9bi-hrCFrsIAlG9Mh6Wgtk5oJV7PaBWb0cwpZT1qL20SGgry-Lef3OKv8kr2TJJ3DCZyZo76m3d-9BceurCIcgeHs58a7dG-Kv7zjzAo_nDgeNABO6IdI/s320/Book+Cover+Lori+Ann+King.png" width="213" /></a></div>
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We don’t have to go through this alone. We may or may not have close family and friends. We may or may not be married or have a partner. We can ask our doctors, employers, and health insurance company what resources are available. We can join an online or local support group. </div>
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Reaching out to people is not always easy. In the past, I was a private person, to the point where I didn’t share much about my health challenges with my parents or sister before surgery. In hindsight, I might have done this differently. </div>
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My sister would certainly have wanted to pray for me. My mom would have just wanted to be there, offering support and encouragement while preparing meals, doing laundry, and cleaning my toilets. Some days, that’s just what a girl needs from her mum—particularly right after surgery when your body is using all your energy for healing its tissues.</div>
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Not everyone will know how to help us. This is where we need to communicate clearly by inviting friends, family, coworkers, and even neighbors into our lives. Let them bring a meal, do the dishes or a load of laundry, vacuum the floors, clean the kitchen, or pick up a few groceries. They can loan us movies or books, or drive us to the doctor or pharmacy. If we have children, they may help with childcare or transportation to after-school events and play dates.</div>
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Or, they can come for a visit. Some days you’ll want to talk, some days you’ll want just to sit. Ask for what you need and accept what they can give. Release them if they can’t. They will be there for you another time. </div>
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Know that your friends are not therapists or counselors and sometimes we require more of a listening ear than they can give. I found talking to a counselor played a large role in reducing my stress levels after surgery. I wish I had done it in the weeks prior to surgery as well.</div>
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Keep in mind that when we are dealing with surgery or illness, our loved ones get stressed too. They cannot read our minds. Do your best to use our words to communicate your needs, desires, and fears. It may be as simple as asking for a hug or reassurance that they are with us through sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, happiness as well as in sadness. </div>
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Above all, know that family and friends covet our time. Give them what you can, guard your energy, help yourself, and know when to ask for help.</div>
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<b>About Lori</b></div>
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<span class="s1"><a href="https://loriannking.com/">Lori Ann King</a></span> is a wife, an athlete, a freelance writer, blogger, and nutritional consultant helping people with weight loss, energy and performance, and graceful aging. She is the author of<i> </i><a href="https://amzn.to/2PdYbwX"><span class="s1"><i>Come Back Strong, Balanced Wellness after Surgical Menopause</i></span></a> and Lean In or Lighten Up, Rebuilding Your Mind Toward More Positive Emotions. She and her husband, Jim reside in the Hudson Valley of NY and are currently working together on a book about the requirements for creating a healthy lifestyle. </div>
Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14954106386693585991noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4303112045198026313.post-36560651720193119962018-11-21T16:26:00.000-08:002018-11-21T16:26:27.402-08:00The OMG People
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Janet's post last week reminded me of another group of people you may meet on your journey through CancerLand: The Oh My God! people:</div>
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The things people will say to you. “You look good”. They say this to him because they heard that he has cancer and they were expecting him to look like crap. It always makes me wonder if later they are going to say, "You look like hell”.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></div>
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Or they begin to tell you a story about someone else who had cancer and halfway into the story you can tell that they suddenly realized that the story they are telling you does NOT have a happy ending.</div>
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It turns out that the neighbor, coworker or uncle they are starting to tell you about has died of cancer and probably the same kind of cancer that your loved one has …and now, you can see the look on their face—even as words are coming out of their mouth --they are trying to back out of the story they are still telling<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>you.</div>
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They desperately want to redirect themselves, so they can make this story be about something else, but you can see that what they began with—some hope or consolation, like, “He had the same thing.” Or “His chemo wasn’t so bad” is in fact a story that ends with “and then he died.”</div>
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That is one version of the OMG People.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Another version is this: They say, “Oh my God, cancer, I’m so sorry and I’ll pray for you.” What does that mean? Will they be praying that his illness goes away, which kind of suggests that some other guy with no praying friends gets to keep theirs?</div>
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Or the “OMG you’ll have such a hard time as a caregiver,” or the “OMG he’s gonna be really, really sick, but you can do it”. They give you that great big attta girl right after they devastate you with their sympathy and alarm.</div>
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People will tell you all kinds of, “How it’s gonna be” stories and then you find out that their sister had breast cancer, or their boss had lung cancer or lymphoma or some other kind of cancer and some other kind of chemo. People outside of CancerLand almost never understand that chemo is not chemo is not chemo.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></div>
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But, my God, I have to be more kind. I was there once too. Before this began I thought that cancer was cancer, and that chemo was chemo. I had to learn so much so fast.</div>
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CancerLand is a school, and man, the tuition is a bitch.</div>
Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14954106386693585991noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4303112045198026313.post-75882035944816102092018-11-12T04:03:00.000-08:002018-11-12T04:03:24.047-08:00Guest Post: Thoughts on Thoughtlessness<h3>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNL0HCgWIdrk4UPeK63Ny7ky7W19fxcA9UKKMTYakil6lwMJYW78IZ6XGKkxUewVLtGtAQCsLNro4o9RCIfKXQYkIHDqL2FeqcDnIsdfrdDrC2pvGa_HzYS3uL56d5W29n22wow2bzoOA/s1600/Elizabeth_Sparhawk-Jones%252C_Shoe_Shop%252C_1911.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="768" data-original-width="654" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNL0HCgWIdrk4UPeK63Ny7ky7W19fxcA9UKKMTYakil6lwMJYW78IZ6XGKkxUewVLtGtAQCsLNro4o9RCIfKXQYkIHDqL2FeqcDnIsdfrdDrC2pvGa_HzYS3uL56d5W29n22wow2bzoOA/s200/Elizabeth_Sparhawk-Jones%252C_Shoe_Shop%252C_1911.jpg" width="170" /></a>Friends--Today we have a guest post from Janet H. I suspect many will relate to her experience:</h3>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 5"/>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">The
Thoughtlessness of the Well-Intentioned </span></b><span style="font-size: 14pt;">By Janet H.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14pt;">excerpted from </span><span class="MsoHyperlink" style="font-size: 14pt;"><a href="https://fuckcancer.home.blog/">https://fuckcancer.home.blog/</a></span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">In June of this year, I was diagnosed with
breast cancer. It was an absolute shock, coming after a routine mammogram. I
was three months away from retirement, ready to begin the next chapter of my
life, and expected this mammogram to turn out like all the others – clear.
There is no history of breast cancer in my family, and no history of cancer,
period. I had no frame of reference, no experience, and no depth of knowledge. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I
have had two surgeries, am currently a bit more than halfway through
chemotherapy, and have radiation, followed by years of drug therapy, in front
of me. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I made a decision nearly from the beginning
that I was going to beat this and it wasn't going to beat me. I have a lot to
live for – my husband, my children, friends, travel, hobbies, good books, great
food. But not every day is a “warrior” day. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Some days are sad ones, or ones
filled with fear of losing things – my strength, my family, my health, the
taste of good food – and I need to remind myself that I am, if nothing else, a
fighter. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Part of being a fighter is rigorously
protecting myself. Once you have an illness that requires your doctors to talk
to you about your percentage life expectancy in the next five years, simple
gestures and words that I wouldn't have even noticed before take on new
meaning. In the interest of other cancer survivors, I offer a few that have
struck me as particularly thoughtless:<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<ul type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">"Well, at
least they got it all."</span></i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> Yeah, not so much. Just because I had surgery does not
mean that my cancer is gone. In my case, there's a 40% chance that it's
still in other lymph nodes and it won't be gone until I finish chemo and
radiation. So, when you say this, I am reminded that the cancer is still
in my body, and that is not a pleasant reminder.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">"I am so
upset that...[I'm not sleeping, I'm worried all the time, I think about
you all the time, I want to help but I don't know how, etc.]"</span></i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> Note the subject of these
sentences – the speaker, not the recipient. Saying this helps me not one
bit, and changes this into something where I'm either supposed to feel
guilty about making you upset, or just go away so I don't upset you
anymore. Needless to say, it’s not helpful, and a curious way of making my
cancer all about you. I don't need this at all, sorry. When you are ready
to leave this sort of bullshit at the door and genuinely ask me how I am,
bring it. Otherwise, please stay away.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">"We're
having some friends over, it will be a great time."</span></i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> Sounds innocent enough, but I
really am not up for meeting strangers and pretending that I don't have
cancer, even for an evening. Plus I’m weak, have low immunity, and mostly
can’t eat. Cancer is on my mind 24/7, whether I want it to be or not.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">"Wishing
you a speedy recovery."</span></i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> Ok, this works if you break your leg, or have the flu.
Cancer treatment is not speedy, and recovery is illusive. Again, it
reminds the recipient of what they don't have – something easily
treatable, something that you get over quickly, something they won't be
thinking about for the rest of their lives.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">"Your
situation is just like my...[mother's, sister's, friend's, depression, divorce]."</span></i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> It isn't, and putting me in a box
that you can relate to simply negates my experience, and our conversation
may be a short one and one not to be repeated. Telling me that your sister
had a different cancer and did great (but you don't know which kind or her
treatment) isn't helpful at all. It will just shut me up.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span>Cancer,
especially breast cancer, is very specific and it is very personal. If you
have personally been down this specific road before, I definitely want to
hear about your experience, and I will have lots of detailed questions
that allow me to figure out whether our experiences connect, and whether
we have something in common. Or if you know another survivor and want to
put us in touch, that's really helpful. Otherwise, if you really want to
show your support, let's leave the indirect or unrelated experience to the
side, and just ask me how I'm doing.</li>
</ul>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;"><span style="font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">What
has helped tremendously are friends and family who call or email or text to say
"How are you doing today?" or "need anything?" or "how
are you holding up?" Keeps me in the moment, which is all I have, and does
not presume anything or remind me of what I don't have right now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14954106386693585991noreply@blogger.com0