The Prep

Everyone will tell you that “the prep” is the worst part of a colonoscopy. And they are right. John’s next one is Wednesday and he’s getting ready. And so am I.
While he is buying juice and Ducolax and limes (*see hint below) and beginning his fast, I am calling friends, writing lists and making deals with God.

His prep is physical and brutal. He has the emotions to manage as well. We don’t know what the odds are this time. I return over and over in my imagination to a year ago when his routine colonoscopy turned into cancer and spun us in circles.

My prep involves lists of questions, packing for a day of hospital waiting rooms, trying to stay positive and hopeful and dissolving into fear.

We survived this year of surgery, chemo, caregiving and living on hold. We’ve had a few months of peace and taking the tiniest steps toward having a future. But now the fear has returned. In a few more days we’ll know. I want to stop time and speed it up and yes, I alternate deal making with surrender. I ask for favors I don’t deserve from God and every family member we have on the other side.

Limes: I’m told this is the Katie Couric tip: when drinking the lousy flavored colon prep drink you should suck on a lime before and after each big swallow. The nasty flavor will never reach your taste buds and so you’ll not experience the aversion or the gagging that can come when you get to the last bottle.