Last week I met a man on the train to New York City. One of those “I hope he doesn’t try to talk to me” moments and then I noticed that he was reading a Kindle and I blurted out, “You have a Kindle!” So then all hope was lost for trying to stay cool and aloof and send “leave me alone” vibes. So Kindle always leads to, “What do you read/are you reading?” and an hour later we were talking about the mind-body connection and Candace Pert’s work on neurophysiology. Well, he was talking and I was taking notes.
I finished the book last night and in addition to making me want to try meditation again I really want to try not scaring myself to death all the time. I see—from this neurophysicist’s point of view-- what I am doing to my body when I terrorize myself. All thru John’s cancer and even now as I unpack and repack this relationship—I go straight to fear. That’s not new; it’s a lifelong habit. But what that adrenaline and coritisol are doing to my body. …well, I guess now I am interested in saving my body too. Yeah, I’m feeling like it’s time to take care of me.
This week I’m not sure where we are going or if we are going, but I am going forward in any case.
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