Yesterday we did a cancer walk. It was a fundraiser and I walked with old and new friends. John walked nearby, conversations moving in and out of school, work, health, movies. It was a marker. We did this walk a year ago. It was a different walk this year and we are different a year later.
Now the Monday morning feeling. A new week. Refreshed. Bringing new ideas and new resolutions to this next six days. But the fear in the belly is there too. Him, me, work, them, money, doctors, and more work. The constant feeling of not getting enough done, yet knowing that I do so much. Surrender comes to me. Surrender to God, to process, to faith.
Ages ago someone said to me, “God’s will is what is.” and “IF you want to know God’s will leave your house, start walking and when you hit a wall turn left.” As if we even get to decide God’s will.
The challenge now is to believe in a loving God. To believe I am cared for. That all will be well, no matter what.
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