Sorting it Out

I’m sorting now. It’s a gift from the pause in treatment and it’s overdue in this relationship. One of the things that cancer took from us was time to be more casual and time to move slowly. I didn’t know it but I have been craving that slow, easy time in a relationship when you can say, “Oh you like that? Well, I like this.” That time when you can zig and zag, and with enough time to explore the other person and to ask hard questions. Where will this lead? I don’t know, but I need this time. I feel my bones relaxing. For the past six months I didn’t know that I was holding on so tight or holding so much in, but now it feels like something is collapsing, something is releasing and I need this release so bad.