Ask the Right Questions

1. Is this an act of faith or an act of fear?

2. Is this an act of self-love or an act of self-sabotage?

3. Will this choice add to my life energy or rob me of my energy?

4. Does this choice empower me or disempower me?

5. Am I choosing from my divinity or my humanity?

6. Will this choice bring me long-term fulfillment or bring me short term gratification?

7. Am I standing in my power or trying to please someone?





from The Right Questions, by Debbie Ford

Do You Still Have Cancer?

I have noticed a way that people will sometimes try to ask about cancer without actually asking about cancer. Saturday we were at a basketball game and John was seeing folks he hadn’t seen in a while. I heard several—guys—asking him, “So how is EVERY thing?” John would answer, “I’m good; I’m good”. I heard the question buried in the question: Do you still have cancer? I get this too sometimes, people will ask me, “How is he DO-ing?” and it is the slowing down in the question and the odd emphasis on “every” and “do” that signals the question they want to ask but don’t want to be caught asking: Does he still have cancer?

Who Would I be Without this Thought?

A few weeks ago I did a workshop with Byron Katie—a woman who developed a personal growth and change method that teaches us to question our habitual thoughts. It makes for some challenging new thinking and for me some surprising insights and shifts.

The centerpiece is: Who would you be without this thought?

I’ve been trying to apply this to life at work, what—I think—people think of me and to my relationship with John.

Last night—listening to him cough and cough—and thinking “flu or cancer? Flu or cancer?”
Byron Katie’s question came to me: Who would you be without this thought? And the answer: I’d be at peace and I’d be asleep.

Sorting it Out

I’m sorting now. It’s a gift from the pause in treatment and it’s overdue in this relationship. One of the things that cancer took from us was time to be more casual and time to move slowly. I didn’t know it but I have been craving that slow, easy time in a relationship when you can say, “Oh you like that? Well, I like this.” That time when you can zig and zag, and with enough time to explore the other person and to ask hard questions. Where will this lead? I don’t know, but I need this time. I feel my bones relaxing. For the past six months I didn’t know that I was holding on so tight or holding so much in, but now it feels like something is collapsing, something is releasing and I need this release so bad.