Cancer and Careers Conference

As a cancer patient, survivor or cancer caregiver you know the struggle of keeping a job, balancing treatment and work responsibilities, juggling caregiving and work responsibilities and dealing with bosses, coworkers and yes, the doing the work itself. "Cancer&Careers" is a national organization that is a resource for patients, caregivers, family members and employers.

The National Cancer and Careers Conference is June 22 in New York City. The conference is free, there are travel scholarships and it's one day jam packed with information and support.

Here's the link: Consider sharing this with your boss, coworkers and your Human Resources Department.


http://www.cancerandcareers.org/en/community/events/conference

Cancer101 Cancer Planning

“There are wedding planners and baby planners; why not a cancer planner?”

That’s what Monica Knoll thought as she struggled through years of managing her own cancer, and that thought led to her design and launch of the nonprofit and web-based, Cancer101.

Knoll was motivated to find and found a new kind of resource for people going through lengthy cancer treatment as a result of the way her work and career were impacted by first breast cancer and then later ovarian cancer. She found quickly that cancer stigma is strong and persistent in the workplace. Juggling cancer in the long-term is a challenge to workers and workplaces. Hence Knoll’s creation.

Do take a look at: http://www.cancer101.org/

 

A New Job

The constant is change. I’m taking a new job starting in mid October and oh my, I had forgotten how hard it is to leave a job. There’s some thinking I need to adjust. I’m leaving a small organization and there is a lot to do to be able to leave and to make sure that everything is in place and that things are in good shape for the person who will follow me. Yes, just a touch of perfectionism! Ok, more therapy for that!

I’m excited but tired. Sad but happy. Nervous but encouraged. I’m looking forward to my new colleagues and to work that I can throw all of me into and to being part of a team again.

Will this change our relationship? I worry about that. John says no, but hey, he’s a guy. For today it’s all to the good and will be if I worry less and sleep more.

Why Can't I Be Sick

I’m mad. And I’m sick. A cold? A Throat thing? I take pills and cough syrup. It helps but I can’t talk. My voice is gone. I go to work and whisper. I joke about it but it’s not funny today. I’m mad at me for being sick and I’m mad at me because I don’t allow myself to be sick. Then, to add another layer, I’m mad at him too for being stronger—or maybe more stoic? He went through chemo and didn’t miss a day of work. So how can I take a sick day for a sore throat? I know it’s crazy but it’s in there. In my fine little head. It raises the paradox. Is being sick—and knowing it --really healthy? Maybe my reluctance to be sick is a sign of health. Maybe a sick day is a mental health day? Maybe. But I’m still pissed.

Out at Work

Last night John came to the Gala fundraiser for my organization. It’s been distracting me for days—the gala itself-- but also the reality of him being there. It’s work for me and I worried about that. He would see this other part of my life up close. But my worry was also about others seeing him—with me. It was another layer—or un-layering of this relationship. A big part of becoming a couple involves the presence of other people. We are formed as a couple when we are seen by others and also when we see ourselves being seen by others as a couple.

For a few days I have been imagining scenarios of him not coming to the gala with me. Maybe he’d be too tired, too sick, bad chemo. Maybe he’d forget, come home too late, lie down to nap and wake at 9pm. I imagined how righteously angry I could then be, “You missed my Gala”, and I’d have a resentment to nourish until it grew big enough to help me leave him. I watched myself form these fears and fantasies and then I realized finally that I was afraid of this big and next step of coming out as a couple. I was taking him to work with me, and in front of others who matter in my work life, we were being a couple.

Suit Up and Show Up

One of the things that is hard right now is work, or rather my attitude about work. I don’t feel very motivated. I know that I have “a lot on my plate” as everyone tells me. But I struggle to have this fraud or imposter syndrome now have real fuel. I am supposed to be the ambassador and champion for my organization but I don’t feel it and have to make myself really be present every day.

I have talked to my therapist and to friends—all the “You have a lot on your plate”. But still, what to do?

I borrow this from Alcoholics Anonymous: “Suit Up and Show Up.”

So each day I dress for work. Dress as if I care; dress as if I really mean it; dress as if I have the motivation, passion and commitment. Dressing the part does seem to help. But under that? I still worry.

What will happen if my energy and interest in work does not come back?

It doesn’t help that John loves his work and goes out of his way to go to work even though he has cancer and chemo and doesn’t feel well.

Yesterday his doctor offered him a doctor’s note. Kind of a hall pass for grown-ups or a Get out of jail free card. I laughed and asked if I could have one. I wasn’t kidding.