We are getting ready for a long weekend. I remind myself that this matters to him. He wants this time as much or more than I do. I say to myself, “Get it”. Something in me would convince me otherwise. I think about past relationships when I did not believe I was loved—or loved enough—despite evidence to the contrary. Some old veil in my heart? Some old old message that tried so hard to convince me that I am not loveable. It seems like that would be a problem for me and it is, but it’s also a problem for those who love me. It is as if I am deaf and staring at the mouth moving before me…I sense something but I can’t get it. It is a kind of blindness and a kind of deafness. It limits me but also frustrates others.
I look at this passage from Luke that sits near my computer:
“And those who had seen it told how he who had been possessed with wild demons was healed.” Luke 8:36.
I believe; God help my unbelief.
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