Why this Blog OR My Moon is in Cancer

I’ve been writing this blog for a while now. Some of you have joined us recently so here’s a hint of what the “Love in the Time of Cancer” conversation is about. At its core “LITTOC” is a relationship story and a love story. Like all good love stories we have a complication: Cancer. Stage three colon cancer and so instead of romantic dates and lunches and vacations we forged a bond over surgery and doctors offices and learning about chemo.

I am lover and caregiver, but I am also a writer and fierce about what is happening to John and to me and to us. I am writing this blog to tell my side of the story. I am not objective. I am not unbiased and at times I am not a very nice person. But then, cancer is not very nice either.

I am also writing this because I hope at least one person can have their sanity confirmed by this blog. Most of the official cancer resources have tried to be helpful but there have been so many gaps and so many platitudes and so very much condescension that I want to give cancer patients --and their lovers --another perspective.

I am also writing this because as Mark Twain said, “I don’t want to hear about the moon from a man who has not been there.” Loving a man with cancer is my moon. Take the next step with me.

(For more detail you can click on older entries from the menu on the right—go to July 2008 and join the story as it continues to unfold.)

Women Writing About Women

“If a woman writes about herself, she’s a narcissist. If a man does the same thing, he’s describing the human condition.”

That’s from Emily Gould in the May 3 New York Magazine. Gould’s new book, “And the Heart Says Whatever” will be published this week. Her statement hits home as I struggle to write about cancer and caregiving and love and sex –and work and clothes and money and fear and thinking and therapy and food and writing.

Is it one woman’s story and/or the human condition?

Chekhov's Double Life

Today is the birthday of Russian writer, Anton Chekhov. In addition to amazing plays and stunning short stories, he also wrote:

“Medicine is my lawful wife. Literature is my mistress.”

Mastering the Art of Relationships

We went to see the movie, “Julie and Julia” today. I loved that it’s a writer story times two. Yes, Child was also a writer. It was her writing –on top of her love of food—that made her cookbook work. So I got to see two women who think they are other than they are, who, through the acts of cooking and blogging and cooking and crying become who they already were.

And, as every review has pointed out, both had men in their lives who survived the cooking and the crying and who were supportive of what may have seemed crazy or not exactly clear at the start.

As much as I want to follow Gloria Steinem’s advice and “Be the man that you want to marry”, I find that it helps enormously to have a supportive man nearby even as I become him.

And so, deeply inspired by this movie, I came home and made dinner for John from one of my favorite cookbooks, “The White Trash Cookbook” by Ernest Matthew Mickler published in 1986.

Here is the recipe. It is called “Freda’s Five-Can casserole.” Makes a great Sunday supper:

1 small can boneless chicken
1 can Cream of Mushroom soup
1 can Chicken with Rice soup
1 can Chinese noodles
1 small can evaporated milk
1 small onion minced
½ cup diced celery
½ cup sliced almonds

Mix all of that. Pour into a casserole dish. Bake uncovered one hour.
Serve with bread and butter, fruit salad and vanilla ice cream.

Reading and Writing

Being a writer will make you a better reader. Not because of some cognitive or intellectual process but simply because if you are supposed to be writing, and you are afraid to begin, the very best procrastination is reading. So if you promise yourself that you’ll do a lot of writing that’s a sure fire way to get a lot of reading done.