Sex is Good

Well, that's the message of the article in today's Times Union by health advocate Lynda Shrager. In this perfect Valentine's Day piece she makes a strong case for more sex for everybody. What's never quite clear in stories like this tho is whether "sex twice a week" means orgasm twice a week. We know that you can have a lot of sex with out both partners having an orgasm. So does the one who comes get all the health benefits?

And if that's true do the benefits accrue if your "partner" runs on batteries? That's the problem with euphemism; we are left in the dark even when the lights are on. But to be on the safe--and healthy--side go for the O on Valentine's Day.

Here's the link to Lynda's column. Her health advice is always great so do bookmark this one:

http://www.timesunion.com/living/article/It-feels-good-and-does-you-good-3247062.php

The Big--Happy--O!

Ok, here is one wild sex fact. (And more evidence for why we should be talking about sex in CancerLand.) Today I read an article about women and orgasms in the November/December issue of “Healthy Life” magazine. I read this: “Gordon Gallup, Jr., a psychology professor at SUNY Albany found that Prostaglandin, a hormone present in semen, is a natural antidepressant.”

It continues, “In a 2002 study of nearly 300 women, Gallup found that those who frequently had sex without condoms had significantly fewer symptoms of depression than those who were not regularly exposed to semen.”

Wow. Imagine the pick-up lines. “I just want to make you happy, baby.” And do you like that careful wording, “exposed to semen”. Prozac, Paxil or BJ?

Oh God!

The downside to being an atheist is that you have no one to cry out to in the throes of an orgasm.

There is Even a Diet for It

I knew that Kegels were crucial to having orgasms and to “improving” them—and I’m all about self-improvement—but I didn’t know that there is more you can do. Turns out there is even a diet.

Yep, “The Orgasm Diet” by Marenna Lindberg. It’s a pretty serious book about the biochemistry of sexual response and how food and diet—and Kegels—can improve things. You can get this from most library systems or if you don’t want to make eye contact with the check out lady at your library, buy it used on Amazon.

High on the “Should” list in The Orgasm Diet: Omega 3’s (you know they are good for everything), Calcium and Magnesium, Extra Vitamin C, and one ounce of high quality dark chocolate very day.

And on the “Don’t” list: saturated fat (duh), caffeine (oh, no!) and soy products (surprise). Turns out that soy disrupts hormonal responses—that’s why many women take it during menopause—but it can also disrupt the orgasmic response too. You don’t have to eliminate all soy but you don’t want a soy-a-day diet if you also want the O-response.

There is also a ton of good, practical information in this book about how women’s bodies work and how sexual arousal works and a specific and practical plan for incorporating Kegels into your life.

What I Didn't Know

When I was 25 I knew so little about sex. When I was 30 I thought I knew some things but I still knew so little. At 35 I was learning how to give pleasure, but it took ten more years to begin to learn how to receive it.

I knew that “older” people had sex. When I was 30 my mother who had been widowed many years, was, at age 70, in a new marriage. She told me that she and Donald had sex almost every day. I thought “good for her”. But I also thought, “How good could it really be?”

Now I know. And I’m sorry I laughed when people said that sex gets better as you age. I didn’t know. Now I do.

At 58 sex is better than I ever imagined. Yes, I wish my skin was smoother and I wish my skin didn’t sag—especially at certain angles. Confidence is part of it. And learning what works. And being fearless about trying things, and trying them again.

Many years ago I read Helen Gurley Brown’s book about women and middle age. She wrote that a woman over 50 has to decide that she wants an orgasm and then go for it. I didn’t, exactly, know what she meant.

Now I do.

Tony's Wisdom

My friend Tony died of lung cancer a year ago. He was a charming and witty guy and he had the gift of seeing quickly and deeply into people and situations. His comments could sting but he was the one to go to for an honest and helpful assessment of any situation. He continued to tell the truth when he had cancer.

Last week I ran into a mutual friend and we talked about how Tony lived and died with cancer. She told me that he said to her, “You can’t have cancer in the midst of an orgasm or a belly laugh.”