Sex and Cancer Cancer Today Magazine

Many of you know that I started this blog--and advocating for more education around sex and cancer--because of my experience being shut out and shut down by medical folks when John was diagnosed with Colon Cancer at the beginning of our relationship.

Because it's my gift --and my bent in life--I went to my computer and started writing. I also shared the story of our romance --the good and the bad--and wrote a lot about relationships in general.

But it was that shame around sex and cancer that got me started and it keeps me keeps me going.

I am delighted and honored that Cancer Today Magazine found the blog, and interviewed me for their recent article on Sex and Cancer.

I'll put the link right here:

https://www.cancertodaymag.org/Pages/Winter2018-2019/Staying-Close-Through-Cancer-Sexual-Intimacy.aspx

Please consider sharing this.

There are still too many couples impacted by the silence and the lack of helpful information, and still way too many medical professionals who don't ask and who have nothing to say when asked.

I thank all of you for following this blog, and sharing my updates, and for continuing to make it safe for Love in the Time of Cancer.

Summer is Coming

Today we did a three-mile walk up and down the hills.  We were huffing and puffing but moving along pretty well. As we made the turn to come back home I said to John, “Do you remember the summer after your first surgery; you could not walk from our front door to the car.” He did remember. It’s a shock still, how that cutting into flesh and being sewn back together took away so much strength. He looked the same but could not walk at all.

Now we hike and do hills and push each other on. We went to the movies at the

mall yesterday, ate burgers for dinner, went to the grocery store together. None of that possible in CancerLand days.

That summer chemo changed so many things. No movies, no malls, no grocery stores. Even the tiniest bit of air-conditioned air caused him excruciating pain as his throat closed and froze. He couldn’t even look in the refrigerator. I had to learn to cook. That turned out to be one of the gifts of Cancer Land—I became a cook.

But the summer when it all began was so shocking and crazy. 

I think about this today as we hike and run and dress for a trip to Tanglewood tonight. So many things changed. We grew from them and with them. It isn’t everyone’s path. Cancer sometimes ends relationships. It can be too much. There is no blame for that. It can just be too dam hard sometimes.

But what I feel today is gratitude and grace, and I’m cherishing every day we get.

Changing Normal: One Couple. Two Cancers.

In her new book, “Changing Normal” Marilu Henner—(actress, author, wellness expert and radio host) tells the story of a mid-life romance and how love and an alternative diet and treatment has helped her to help her husband beat cancer.

It’s a story about alternative treatments for bladder and lung cancer, and a story primarily

about how to advocate for truly integrated medicine. Henner is known to many of us from the TV show “Taxi”. And in the book she is just as loveable and a lot fiercer about taking on the medical establishment.

When, early in their relationship, Michael is diagnosed and surgery is prescribed, Henner’s experience as a wellness advocate comes to play and pays off.

While interesting as a book about alternative care for cancer, the best of this book is about patient/caregiver partnership, and how a couple ideally teams up to fight for both wellness and their relationship. It is a book about how couples can create a powerful caregiving team, and present that strength to the medical establishment—to push for more—sometimes better-options. 

Spring is Coming

It’s March now and that makes me believe that spring is nearby. Today we did a three-mile walk that went up and down some little hills.  We were huffing and puffing while we kept up a pretty good pace. As we made the turn to come back home I said to John, “Do you remember the summer after your first surgery; you could not walk from our front door to the car?” 

And he did remember. It’s a shock still, how that cutting into flesh and being sewn back together took away so much strength so fast. He looked the same but could not walk at all. 

Now we hike and snowshoe and do yoga and dance, and we push each other to do more.

That first summer of chemo changed so many things: no movies, no malls, no grocery stores. Even a tiny bit of air-conditioned air caused excruciating pain, and he would choke when cold air hit his throat. He couldn’t even open the refrigerator door without a jolt of pain from the cold air. I had to learn to cook, and sister Susan had to be my cooking sponsor. 

That turned out to be one of the big gifts of Cancer Land—I learned to cook, and I learned that I liked to cook, and I learned I could be a good cook. Who knew I had that in me?

But that spring when it all began was so shocking and crazy. 

I think about this today as we hike and then dance around the living room and get dressed to go out for dinner. So many things changed. We grew from them and with them. I know that isn’t everyone’s path. Sometimes cancer ends relationships as well. It can be too much. The coping mechanisms don’t mesh, or the fear is paralyzing. No one can be blamed for that. It can be just too hard sometimes. 

So tonight while I feel spring coming, I also feel gratitude and grace.

Couples Dancing with Cancer Together

Love in the Time of Cancer is all about how couples cope with cancer. We talk about how to keep love, intimacy and sex alive while your partner goes through a cancer diagnosis and treatments. So the article in yesterday's New York Times is a wonderful addition to our conversation.

The only downside is the insistence on the war metaphor...maybe we could start a change here. How about "Dancing Cancer Together" instead of battling? Wouldn't the metaphor of dancing do more to help couples with cancer? And yes, even dancers trip and fall and get out of step but there are also moments of flow and beauty and dancers seek a mutual rhythm.

Let's think more about this idea of "Dancing with Cancer". But for today here is the very helpful piece from the Well at The New York Times.

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/05/27/facing-cancer-together/?smid=pl-share