Operating Instructions

In her book, Operating Instructions, Anne Lamott tells a story about going to buy a dress for a date. She is with her friend Pammy who is dying of cancer. Pammy is in her wheelchair outside the dressing room when Anne comes out to show the dress she is trying on. Anne scrutinizes herself in front of the mirror with Pammy watching. “Does this make my hips look big?” Anne asks her friend. Pammy looks at Anne and says, “You really don’t have that kind of time.”

That is what I have been feeling this week. I see myself fall into the habits I have of jealousy or fear. All the worries I have nurtured so well all of my life: “I will be left” “I am not enough”, “What if he doesn’t like me?” I create scenarios to play out these fears. I’m a playwright in that way. I set the stage, do the scenery and even costumes. I write all the dialog for all the parts. But these week I hear these words, “You really don’t have time for this. Just love him.”