Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Talking to the One You Love

One of the reasons that I will keep doing all of my personal growth work is that I love to keep on learning about myself. True, it can be painful when you have one of those moments (weeks/months) when you realize, "Ugh, how long have I been doing that?" And the "that" is something you have been doing for ages and not thought twice about.

I had one of those Aha! moments on vacation a few weeks ago. We were in Paris—City of Light and city of romance. We spent long days walking and doing museums and just going and going and of course, I got tired and then I got cranky. Now that also happens if I vacation with a friend but in this case I was with my dear husband and I realized (after several days) that when I got tired and cranky that I was speaking to him in a really mean voice. You know that voice--kinda whiny and blamey and with that "you are the problem” undertone? Yeah, that voice.

One night in the hotel room I heard myself doing it. Oh. And I thought, "If I was traveling with a friend--even if I felt awful or ill I might say how tired I was or that I was unwell but I would not use my "You idiot--it's your fault" tone of voice. And I thought, "So stop doing that right now." And then I thought, "This is a gift of my therapy and meditation practice--and I want this." I knew I was doing it; I wanted to stop; no excuses and no rationalizations. And I'm grateful for that.

Yes, there's a generous slice of humble pie to eat. Sure, but it is a kind of yummy pie when you realize you can actually change.

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