One of the reasons that I will keep
doing all of my personal growth work is that I love to keep on learning about
myself. True, it can be painful when you have one of those moments
(weeks/months) when you realize, "Ugh, how long have I been doing that?"
And the "that" is something you have been doing for ages and not
thought twice about.
I had one of those Aha! moments on
vacation a few weeks ago. We were in Paris—City of Light and city of romance.
We spent long days walking and doing museums and just going and going and of
course, I got tired and then I got cranky. Now that also happens if I vacation
with a friend but in this case I was with my dear husband and I realized (after
several days) that when I got tired and cranky that I was speaking to him in a
really mean voice. You know that voice--kinda whiny and blamey and with that
"you are the problem” undertone? Yeah, that voice.
One night in the hotel room I heard
myself doing it. Oh. And I thought, "If I was traveling with a
friend--even if I felt awful or ill I might say how tired I was or that I was
unwell but I would not use my "You idiot--it's your fault" tone of
voice. And I thought, "So stop doing that right now." And then I
thought, "This is a gift of my therapy and meditation practice--and I want
this." I knew I was doing it; I wanted to stop; no excuses and no
rationalizations. And I'm grateful for that.
Yes, there's a generous slice of
humble pie to eat. Sure, but it is a kind of yummy pie when you realize you can
actually change.
