Practicing Discernment

One friend asks, “Should she change jobs?” Another thinks about changing her whole career. A coworker debates, “Should she buy a house or continue to rent?” Someone else talks about graduate school versus yoga teacher training. And then in CancerLand there are so many decisions--which doctor, which treatment, more? or less? or Never?

“A choice between goods” is one definition of discernment. Not right or wrong, good or bad, but a choice between goods.

But how do you “do” discernment?

Years ago my spiritual director gave me this list of tools for discernment:

Prayer

Quiet

Sitting still

Asking God

Listening

Get quiet and listen for the subtle

Think and feel

Wait

Then use your gut, your courage and your integrity.

Another good discernment practice, if you have time, is this:

Fully describe option A to yourself: the graduate program, the classes, location, books, homework, money, and benefits, people. Declare (to yourself) that this is the choice you have made. Live as if that is the final choice—that and only that for two weeks. Pretend to yourself it’s a done deal and go about your life as if that is true. Pay attention to your body, energy, heart and head.

After two weeks again fully commit yourself, but now to option B. Again, make full mental commitment—two whole weeks. Now what do you notice or sense in your body, mind, heart, energy? Write about what you notice and sense. What messages do you get?

Talk to people who have chosen either options –or similar ones—and then pray for a sign.

When Doctors Grieve

I have heard more than one story about oncologists who treated a patient for years and then when the patient died the family never heard from the doctor. Or the doctor didn't call or write or come to the funeral. And you wonder, "How can they do that?" The patient and their family believed this person was a partner, in fact, they may have used that language themselves, "We'll do this", or  "We'll work together." But then a death and "we" feels like, "next."

And you wonder, does anyone talk about this in the back room at the oncology center?

This article from May 27th New York Times may help to explain some of it--and also the high cost of doctor's denial and grief. It's a shame really. If death is framed as failure for an oncologist, how much of that shame gets projected onto the patient and their family.

And here too you'll read about how a doctor's grief over a past patient may be affecting your treatment. Oh, we so think that cancer treatment and oncology is a science but really it's more of an art and a blend of psychology and chemistry and grief. Read on. The link is below:


http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/27/opinion/sunday/when-doctors-grieve.html