Angelina Jolie's Pro-Choice Decision

You have by now heard that Angelia Jolie chose to have a double mastectomy as a preventative measure after assessing her risk for breast cancer. News reports are saying this is controversial and social media is filled with Pro and Con and WTF? messages.

So I am attaching the original New York Times OPED piece here below for you to read and consider.

This is an important cancer story and this is an important story for couples facing cancer or, as in Jolie's case, couples faced with the risk of cancer. But one important thing we have to remember and that some in the debate are missing is that: This is her body and this is her choice. Pro-choice means all of your body ---both above and below the waist.

Take a look. Here is the link.

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/05/14/opinion/my-medical-choice.html?smid=pl-share

Get a Second Opinion, like How?

In serious medical situations --any time a procedure is called for--we are advised to "get a second opinion." But exactly how do you do that? Many times the surgery or treatment is urgent--they want to do it now or tomorrow or next week. If you live outside one of the big cities: New York, LA, Chicago etc. how do you find the second expert?

Even if you have a name or a hospital how do you talk to your current doctor? Self-advocacy is recommended but it's tough. We are dependent on our doc so it can feel hard to say, "I want to consult with someone else." And most times when we say that it is our own doc giving us the two or three names that are his colleagues. Those are folks he works with frequently--they do his second-opinions and he does theirs. So it's not exactly arms-length.

How do you get the best doc?  The truly top expert on your illness, cancer, disease or surgery? Most of us talk to friends, and friends of friends  but now there is another way to do this.

In today's Wall Street Journal is an article (see the link below) about ConsultingMD, a new second-opinion firm that can provide access to experts around the globe and they can review your data and reports online to advise from long distances. Here's a compelling fact: In 60% of cases reviewed for a second opinion an alternate treatment is recommended--and that course is often cheaper and more conservative.

So take a look at the article below and save this for when you are a friend are looking around.


http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887323869604578370810275073122.html

Keep Asking Questions

In yesterday's New York Times I read this great article (link below) by Theresa Brown--an oncology nurse who makes an excellent case for asking and asking and asking. She describes a breast cancer patient, Amy Berman, who had to make a clear decision about her treatment and life plans after a stage 4 diagnosis.

The point of this is that at the very time that your head is spinning with fear and anxiety and even hope you have to step back and think, feel and discern what is right. I do think that's pretty hard to do for most people. We want to hear "I'll cure you" and we want to hear, "This can be fixed".

I think what it takes is thinking and talking beforehand. Talking to loved ones and talking to friends --even those "What would you do if...?" conversations can be helpful.

And then also including family and friends after the diagnosis and during the research/second opinion phase. But--and an important but--you have to be be mindful about whom you include. You want the family and friends who will support your desires--not their needs and fears.

Take a look at this article and maybe forward this link to family and friends to initiate a conversation about, "What if..."

Here's the link:


http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/01/19/when-the-patient-knows-best/?smid=pl-share

Obituaries

I read obituaries every day. I have since I was in my twenties. I think of them as little stories, very, very short novels or Haiku lives. But recently I’ve been keeping score of how many of the regional dead are in their late 50’s or early 60’s—our ages—me and John.

I think again—“People my age and John’s age die every day.” And they are not extraordinary deaths, just regular ones from illness and disease and cancers.

I try to use this in a positive way. To remind myself to live my life—mine and not someone else’s idea of my life. To choose my day and –maybe I can’t completely choose what’s in that day --but to choose my attitude about that stuff. To include more of what does matter to me in this day and less of what doesn’t.

I don’t want to die on the day that I was obsessed with who didn’t like me or on the day that I kept trying to please someone else.

The Last Lecture

The talk and then the book, “The Last Lecture” by Randy Pausch has been on the best-seller list for more than a year. I’d heard of it and kind of knew his story. Randy was a professor at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He was told that he had a few months to live. He gave his talk, the last lecture, at CMU, in which he offers advice and last words of wisdom. I put off reading or hearing this because I wasn’t ready to hear about more cancer but last week I got the book on CD to listen to it in the car. I expected to be moved and inspired.

Nope. By the end of the first CD I was pissed. I could not believe that this guy with three months to live wanted to spend all of his time working. Rather than spend time with his wife—whom he refers to as the love of his life and not with his three young children but working. With 90 days to go he spends most of his time writing, taping and editing this talk and later book. He gives the lecture at Carnegie Mellon and—this is my disappointment I’m sure—rather than say “stop and smell the roses” or “now I know what is really important” he spouts advice on ambition, working harder, achieving your goals and even how to organize your files. Success, recognition and celebration by others are what he is pitching. The guy is dying for God’s sake and he’s thinking about whether other people are impressed.

I kept thinking of what I have heard before: “We die the way we live.” If we live full of fear we will die full of fear, if we make life all about accomplishment then we’ll make our dying into an accomplishment too. That’s what Pausch seems to be doing in his Last Lecture.

Heresy? Yep. I seem to be a heretic—so yeah, that’s probably how I’ll die. The smarmy platitudes are lost on me. I’m sorry this guy died but I didn’t like him much. I kept thinking about his wife and how broken hearted it must be to realize that the man she loved and made a life with cannot—even in the last good days of his life—give her quality time—and wouldn’t even stay home with her on her birthday.

But all is not lost. There was value for me in hearing this book. Randy Pausch died as he lived and in that he had a kind of integrity. It’s not a life I’d like or a partner I’d like. But he was a success-seeking work-a-holic and he didn’t deny that part of himself or discard that even with just 90 days to go.

John and I have talked about how he spends his time and I have felt hurt about some of his choices, but Randy Pausch reminds me that this is not my life. It’s his life. The even bigger gift in this is that both of these men now inspire me—and even push me-- to go live my life.