Life's Last Gift by Charles Garfield

Probably one of the things—and there are many—that scare us as cancer caregivers, is asking, “Can I really do this if my partner is dying?” 

Of course, we start that fear early in the process. Maybe at diagnosis, or after chemo, or after the side effects kick in, or when there is another set of tests and the prognosis is worse than we’d hoped. “What if he’s dying?” “What if she’s going to die?” and the deep fear, “What if I can’t do that?” “What if I can’t be the person who can really be present and loving, as we go through this?”

Relationships are all about intimacy: emotional, psychological, and physical, but being with someone who is dying is one of the greatest, but least desired, intimacies of any relationship. So, who is going to teach us or guide us on how to do that?

Now we have a book, a very beautiful book, that can guide us. Charles Garfield, Ph.D. has written “Life’s Last Gift” (published by Central Recovery Press) and Garfield is the honest, kind, by-your-side, kind of coach for how to be--truly be--present with your loved one, your partner, who is dying.

You know by now, here in CancerLand, that we get too much advice, too many platitudes, too much weird sympathy—most of it from folks who don’t really know the inside of this place. Charles Garfield has had lots of our experiences and he has the language and heart skill to speak to us caregivers right where we are—and right at that place we most fear: being fully present when the person we love is dying.

I highly recommend this book to cancer caregivers—everything Garfield offers in this book also applies to the day-to-day communication, self-care, and strategies of care with or without an end-of-life diagnosis. And, this book can be a deeply caring gift for your friend, colleague or parishioner who is caring for someone who is dying.

“Life’s last Gift” comes from the kind of experience most of us don’t want to have, but Charles Garfield has taken his own grief and losses to help the rest of us, as we attempt to do well what no one wants to do.