Follow Up NYOH Day

This afternoon I met John at the New York Oncology Hematology Center for his follow-up appointment and blood work. Driving there I could feel the old feelings revive. The place is decent; the people are good and very caring. I expected to have a fearful and negative reaction when I went thru those wide air-pressure doors but not so. Yes, I felt the fear and all those questions racing thru my head: What if the blood work isn’t good this time? What is they see something?

So yes all the worries were there but also a surprising good memory too. For those six months when we met there every week—John coming from his office and me coming from mine--bringing bags of books to read, stopping to pick up food for us and some great treat for the Staff and other clients—there was a good feeling mixed in with all the others. John and I spent four hours there each week. It was our talking time, gossip time, reading to each other time. We got to know other patients—and families—on the same schedule. We saw people start to look better and yes, we saw people slowly look much worse too. But there was a lot of care and a lot of caring. Those memories were also revived when I walked into NYOH today.

Today they did John’s blood work and a cursory physical exam. He had to answer questions about his bowel movements and his urinary system in front of me. That’s real intimacy! Lisa, the PA was warm and easy to talk to. She confirmed that it may take another year to see if the numbness and neuropathy will ever leave his feet. That is the very physical souvenir of the chemo, and she looked at his belly and scars—the remaining souvenir of surgery.

Today’s blood work was fine but the CEA—the cancer marker—takes a longer lab. So while I feel better now, I’ll feel better on Monday after we know that blood test is OK too.

I continue to play with, “What will we do if and when it isn’t OK?” But for today, this Friday night, we’re eating calzones and making love.