There are Only Two Stories

It is said that there are only two stories: A man goes on a journey and A stranger comes to town. When I talk to people who want to write about their caregiving experiences I ask them, “Which one is your story?” There is no right answer, of course. Cancer is a journey that men and women go on whether they are the ill person or the well person. And certainly Cancer is a stranger that comes to your town.

In my story John was a stranger who came into my life many years ago. I was a stranger in his life too. After years of correspondence he called one day. Would I come to his school? We became friends. And that lasted for years.  Then more strangers came: romance, seduction and desire. The erotic stranger and a romantic journey. We took the trip. Wildly unprepared. Risking everything.  And then another stranger—cancer—into our life.  I’d met cancer long ago but this one roared in to our lives. Still,  where cancer had devastated me before this one brought a strange healing. Yes it came with so much fear, but fear is not a stranger, rather my familiar through troublesome companion.

 John certainly is on a journey with colon cancer. Life, death, sickness and health are all rising like monuments around us. He is on an emotional journey too. Every test, every treatment has to be met, but these strangers bring things—an insight, a feeling, a friendship.  

If you are having a love affair with cancer what does it feel like to you this year? A journey you have just begun or one that has you standing on tippy-toe hoping that is the next town coming soon? Or is cancer your dark and not so handsome stranger? Is it making you a stranger to your loved ones? That is always the danger. Or is cancer showing you that you were once a stranger to yourself but now you know just who you really are?

Why this Blog OR My Moon is in Cancer

I’ve been writing this blog for a while now. Some of you have joined us recently so here’s a hint of what the “Love in the Time of Cancer” conversation is about. At its core “LITTOC” is a relationship story and a love story. Like all good love stories we have a complication: Cancer. Stage three colon cancer and so instead of romantic dates and lunches and vacations we forged a bond over surgery and doctors offices and learning about chemo.

I am lover and caregiver, but I am also a writer and fierce about what is happening to John and to me and to us. I am writing this blog to tell my side of the story. I am not objective. I am not unbiased and at times I am not a very nice person. But then, cancer is not very nice either.

I am also writing this because I hope at least one person can have their sanity confirmed by this blog. Most of the official cancer resources have tried to be helpful but there have been so many gaps and so many platitudes and so very much condescension that I want to give cancer patients --and their lovers --another perspective.

I am also writing this because as Mark Twain said, “I don’t want to hear about the moon from a man who has not been there.” Loving a man with cancer is my moon. Take the next step with me.

(For more detail you can click on older entries from the menu on the right—go to July 2008 and join the story as it continues to unfold.)