Making Love Once a Week Makes a Lot of Happiness

Here is an interesting bit of research on marital happiness and frequency of sex. Over the years you too have probably read articles that suggested that the more sex a couple has the happier their marriage will be. Well, maybe not.

Turns out that have sex once a week, regularly, weekly, can keep the bonds of matrimony grinning and intact. The Society for Personality and Social Psychology now confirms that marital happiness associated with having sex just once a week is just enough sex.

And it turns out that that sexy happiness is quite valuable: Investigators discovered there is a larger difference in happiness between people who had sex once a month compared to those making love once a week than there is between people with incomes in the $15,poo to $25,000 range and those in the $50,00 to $75,000 range.

So money won't make you any happier but making love will.

And in CancerLand we love having a weekly, loving goal. :)

Here is the full article:
http://psychcentral.com/news/2015/11/19/once-a-week-sex-may-be-optimal-for-content-couple/95065.html

The Normal Bar for Happy Relationships

If you don't have a gift for your Valentine yet here's a suggestion that will give back over the next year. I've just started reading, "The Normal Bar--Surprising Secrets of of Happy Couples" and it is eye opening from the start. I'll be writing more about this juicy book over the next week.

You would expect great, well-documented information from the trio of authors: Chrisanna Northrup, Pepper Schwartz and James Witte. All great writers and accurate digesters of information who have a high skill to put research into relevant lay language.

This book is not about Cosmo quizzes and what works for your friend. It's longitudinal social science research translated into, "Try This!" And we can all use some of that.

And you might be thinking, "A relationship book as a Valentine's gift?" But yes...the only implied message is "I love you and I want more." But just to be on the safe side, add some dark chocolate.

Happy Valentine's Day!

My Happiness is My Business

I’ve been grumbling today. My to-do list is too long. I’m achy and tired. I’m mad at John. I’m mad at John because his list is not as long as mine. And he doesn’t sweat the small stuff in the ways that I do. But in my head I’m making my case: “It’s all up to me; look at all I do; I’ll never get it all done; how can I feel sexy or happy when I have all this to do?” Etc.

Then this thought came to me: My happiness is not his business. Many of the things on my list are there because I care about details. I coordinate and I make things match and I’m a nut about following up with friends; I have a long list of self-care tasks that I do because I want to and I have two jobs and I love to read, dance, play golf, exercise and take classes. Yeah, the list is too long, but it’s mostly my list.

I can’t tell you how grateful I am for this fresh thought. My happiness is my business. When I try to make my unhappiness his business then I’m making me a victim. Wow.

Being Happy

I am happy today. I have been happy for several days. I am at the beach alone and happy. I think of John. I talk to him at night and hear about his day. The side effects are getting worse. The chemo this time is the hardest he tells me. His mouth hurts. The sores are bad now, open and bleeding. I take this in. I care. I worry. But I refuse to stop being happy. I see my mind trying to catch me, sneaking up on me with, “What if he has to go to the hospital this week?” and “What if he gets really sick at work?” It gets me for a few minutes. I take the bait and follow the fear. But then I remember; I am happy and I am allowed to be.

Before Strongly Desiring Anything

“Before strongly desiring anything,
we should look carefully into the happiness of its present owner.”


Francois duc de la Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)

I found that quote on a calendar years ago and I saved it.
Today it hits me more strongly than ever. For me this can apply to desire for:

A house
A car
A dog
A job
A man

Especially a man.