Saturday, January 2, 2016
Happy Introvert Day
Today is January 2. The day that introverts get to breathe a sigh of relief. We can come out of hiding; it’s safe to answer the phone and we can stop pretending we feel the flu coming on. Yes--the holidays are over.
From mid-December through New Year’s Day, those of us with an introverted nature live in a state of perpetual dread. The weeks of office parties, neighborhood potlucks and open houses drain all our energy. But today we can relax; we made it through.
I speak from experience. I am an introvert. It surprises most people because I’m outgoing and friendly and very far from shy, but I prefer one person and one conversation at a time.
I fought this for years, always trying to be someone else. I made myself go to parties; Itried to fix what I thought was “wrong” with me. It didn’t help that other people would press, “But you’re so good with people” as if being introverted meant living on the dark side.
This is also one of the blessings of self-care. I no longer eat or drink in order to fit in or to numb the discomfort of social activities I don’t like. It’s a great relief.
It’s no wonder that we introverts are sometimes defensive. Seventy-five percent of the population is extraverted; we’re outnumbered three-to-one, and the American culture tends to reward extraversion.
Here’s what introverts are not: We’re not afraid and we’re not shy. Introversion has little to do with fear or reticence. We’re just focused, and we prefer one-on-one because we like to listen and we want to follow an idea all the way through to another interesting idea. Consequently small talk annoys us.
Many great leaders are introverts and many of our better presidents have been introverts: Lincoln, Carter and the John Adams—both father and son. No, maybe I’m not being totally fair, but life isn’t fair to introverts. Introverted kids are pressured to “speak up” or we were hounded to “be more outgoing”.
The philosopher Pascal wrote, “The sole cause of man’s unhappiness is that he does not know how to stay quietly in his room.” Introverts do. So let’s make this day, Happy Introvert Day. We’ll be quiet and happy, and grateful as another year of "Love in the Time of Cancer" begins.