Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Surrender to Being a Good Lover

You know that I love reading, and that I love reading –and talking—about sex.

The newest book on my bedside table is called, “The Ecstasy of Surrender” by Judith Orloff, MD. Doctor Orloff is a fascinating physician. From the start of her career she has been practicing a combination of Western, Eastern, Alternative and Energy medicines. She is a clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA.

This new book promises to be a bestseller just as her first book; “Emotional Freedom” was a New York Times Bestseller for several years. In this new book she is writing about all different types of surrenders we can practice—with family, in the workplace, with communication, aging and yes, as lovers.

In Chapter Eight Orloff offers this list of the Ten Qualities of a Good Lover:

1 You’re a willing learner.
2 You’re playful and passionate.
3 You make your partner feel sexy.
4 You are confidant, not afraid to be vulnerable.
5 You’re adventurous and willing to experiment.
6 You communicate your needs and listen to your partner.
7 You make time and don’t rush.
8 You enjoy giving pleasure as much as you enjoy receiving it.
9 You’re supportive, not judgmental.
10 You’re fully present in the moment with good eye contact and can let go.

Yes, I do think it takes a lifetime to learn all that and to bring it to bed consistently. But hey, what a set of skills to keep practicing. I’m keeping this mini inventory nearby as a reminder to keep surrendering. Before, after and through cancer and illness we can keep sensuality and pleasure alive.

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