One of my Christmas gifts from John was the Amy Winehouse Tribute Album. (Amy is important in our life of love and cancer. See the entries to this blog from 7.20.08 and 9.1.08).
She has become a joke to many because of her, shall we say, dissolute ways, and yes, her refusal to go to rehab. But listening to the new album it’s clear the girl has a great voice. She is more chanteuse than rocker, more Edith Piaf than Janis Joplin.
I play the CD over and over. Years ago I listened to and loved the Roaches song about The Married Men and now Amy sings about the married man in her life and the girls in bars constantly disappointed by the married men that they believe in and are then disappointed by. I struggle here too. He is married after all. I squint at that. We are a couple now for years. Some days it doesn’t matter. But then suddenly it does and I am defeated by my own feelings and the force of social culture.
When John and I talk about this it is clear that he doesn’t care. “I love you and I am here, we are a couple, we are committed.” It’s very clear to him that nothing else matters.
I wonder if this will be the breaking point. He doesn’t really get this and until he does he’ll have to go, go, go
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1 comment:
I'm confused. He is married? He has cancer, has you, and has a wife? What a player...
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