Sex and Cancer Cancer Today Magazine

Many of you know that I started this blog--and advocating for more education around sex and cancer--because of my experience being shut out and shut down by medical folks when John was diagnosed with Colon Cancer at the beginning of our relationship.

Because it's my gift --and my bent in life--I went to my computer and started writing. I also shared the story of our romance --the good and the bad--and wrote a lot about relationships in general.

But it was that shame around sex and cancer that got me started and it keeps me keeps me going.

I am delighted and honored that Cancer Today Magazine found the blog, and interviewed me for their recent article on Sex and Cancer.

I'll put the link right here:

https://www.cancertodaymag.org/Pages/Winter2018-2019/Staying-Close-Through-Cancer-Sexual-Intimacy.aspx

Please consider sharing this.

There are still too many couples impacted by the silence and the lack of helpful information, and still way too many medical professionals who don't ask and who have nothing to say when asked.

I thank all of you for following this blog, and sharing my updates, and for continuing to make it safe for Love in the Time of Cancer.

Sex and Cancer and Young Patients

Oh, I am so excited to discover another woman writing about sex and cancer. Sadly this is a young woman--25 years old--with cancer and as is perfectly appropriate for 25 she is talking to her gal pals about sex. But this is not Sex and The City. It's more like Sex and The Chemo. And crazy frustrating they are still not getting good info on sex and cancer.

But this young woman--Suleika Jaquad--is a writer and advocate and she's writing a blog for the New York Times. Here is the link to her column this week. Take a look. Send it to friends. Send this to your oncologist and to your cancer support group too. Lets make them talk about sex!

Click Here:

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/02/14/life-interrupted-crazy-unsexy-cancer-tips/?smid=pl-share

Women, Cancer and Sexual Pain

When I was growing up my mother loved Ann Landers and Dear Abby. She read them and I learned to read them too. Both writers offered good advice and a picture too of just how dysfunctional families could be. Tolstoy was right.

As a young woman I had a strong reaction to the letters from women of a certain age who wrote to say, “Why doesn’t my husband leave me alone?” They would describe how the man in their life badgered them for sex and they hated it. “Why can’t we just cuddle?” And I would think, “I never want to be one of those women.”

Now that I am woman of a certain age I am more sympathetic but I still don’t want to be “one of those women”. I like sex. But, something that we don't talk about is sexual pain. I wonder now how many of Ann Landers correspondents really meant it when they said that it was a pain to keep having sex?

In today’s New York Times the wonderful Jane Brody writes about women and sexual pain and specifically relates it to cancer treatment and treatment side effects. I thought, “Yes, this is for the Love in the Time of Cancer folks, and it’s also for most women I know –including those who are not dealing with cancer. Chemotherapy wreaks havoc with women’s hormones, as does positive cancer treatments and so do aging, perio-menopause and menopause and post-menopause.

Dryness, tears, pain, no elasticity—and who knew that your vagina could get shorter? All this for women with and without cancer.

But the point Brody makes—the reason I stated writing this blog --is that so few oncologists and medical folks talk to patients and couples about sex, sexual issues and sexual side effects. So thank you Jane Brody!

The article (click below for the link) gives suggestions, recommendations, remedies and references. Hooray!

Here it is: http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/08/06/persistence-is-key-to-treating-vaginal-pain/?smid=pl-share

Tips....so to speak...For Prostate Cancer and Sex

I could not pass this up. The link below is a resource for couples dealing with prostate cancer. And, yeah, its about sex in CancerLand. I just love the directness and reality of these suggestions. I found this on the website of writer Victoria Hallerman, author of "How We Survived Prostate Cancer". Yeah, she says "we"...thats what caught my eye when I was scanning the cancer section of the local bookstore.

I love her book, and will say more about that tomorrow. For today check out the tips on the link below:


http://www.phoenix5.org/companions/10Pointers.html

Lessons from HOPE 2011

Many thanks to Sabrina Mosseau, RN at Samaritan Hospital Cancer Center for creating and hosting last night’s HOPE 2011 party, dinner and education event. The theme was “Difficult Conversations” and they were conversations about: Fear of Mammogram and Colonoscopy; Fear about Money and Fear and Silence around Sex.

Many thanks too to Hilton Garden Inn in Troy for a fabulous venue and amazing dinner—proving that healthy food can indeed be gourmet and delicious.

I was one of the speakers but, as always, I did the learning from women in the audience. I learned that—for sure—there is not enough talk about sex in Cancer Land. And not just about their own cancers—many breast cancer survivors were in attendance --but the other cancers women experience, and their husband’s cancers. One woman told me that her husband’s doctor said to him, one hand on the door knob, “Wear a condom,” but didn’t say when, for how long or under what circumstances. That’s so crazy.

I learned that most of us want to hear more about sex—related to cancer and just related to our lives and we want a safe, comfortable setting to learn in. Most of us don’t talk to our friends about our—and their—sex lives—so we miss so much information –and we miss comfort.

I also learned that there are other women who want to kick back against the pastel, fragile, powerless image of women with cancer and who will meet cancer’s fierceness with their own.

And I learned—and loved this—that you can buy lymphedema “garments” –important after breast cancer surgery—that look like tattoos and groovy, chic tee shirt sleeves.

Amy Winehouse would certainly approve!

For more information and tons of resources contact: Sabrina Mosseau, RN, OCN at mosseaus@nehealth.com