Sunday, August 10, 2014

Be a Better Lover

This line always makes me laugh:  “The reason that so many women fake orgasm is that so many men fake foreplay.”

Yep, it’s both funny and true—and now there is proof.

I’m reading the book, “The Normal Bar” which is an “improve your relationship” book, which is completely based on scientific study and longitudinal research. It’s no one’s theory—rather everything the authors address from marital money to the impact of weight gain in marriage is evidence based.

Since I am super curious about all things sexual I was happy to read the chapter called, “Keeping the Flame Alive” in which the authors report on the results of research about what we really want—“we” meaning men and women. What do women want (besides that perfect black skirt)? And what do men want (other than to be left peacefully alone with the remote on the day of the Masters Golf Tournament)?

Well, here’s what years of couples research has to tell us:

What men want most from their partners:
#1 Sexual diversity (new sexual acts)
#2 Less passivity (more passion)
#3 Sexual noises (more feedback)


What women want from their partners:
#1 Foreplay (more touching)
#2 Romance (more loving passion)
#3 Less predictability (more spontaneity and fun)

Isn’t it helpful to know this stuff? Each of those things can be tried, practiced and learned—and talked about. I’m a believer that sensuality and great sex can be learned and yes, re-learned. Even if it’s been a really long time and even if you are hanging out in CancerLand.

Here's a link to the book:

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