Monday, December 26, 2011

Kids and Christmas and Thanks

How many people, for how many years, said "Give time time" when we talked about John's kids? And it was true. It has been hard for me to give them  their time and to give up my  resentment that they stayed away when he was so sick. I had so much fear for him--and for them--that they would miscalculate their anger and his diagnosis--and miss the last years of their father's life.

For Christmas they were with us. It took teensy baby steps and lots of counsel from people smarter than me in these matters but the day came. Time took time. That's the hardest part of it, isn't it? And much harder when you feel there may never be enough time.  In Cancer Land time is our hope as well as our enemy.

The best help came from someone much younger--a good friend whose parents have both been remarried twice. She had many years being "the kid".  Her wise counsel to me was this, "Never say we." She was right. She told me, "I always found it easier to meet my mother/father's boy/girl friends as people rather than as future step parents...when you talk to them pretend John is not even in the room.--and never say 'we'." Her wisdom came from painful experience and we are the beneficiaries.

It's my hope that this blog can benefit you too--that our experiences and our pain can be transformed to some good.

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